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The Friday Awards

The Friday Awards

By Emily Winter

It's the second Friday of the month, and you know what that means.... actually, you might not: This is your day to give a Friday Award to the one person you think deserves it most, like the Sparkler who made you LOL up your milkshake. Or this guy. Or this really sweet devil lady.

Who will you choose?

We'll get things started here with some SparkLife comment-based awards of our own:

The SparkNotes Love Award goes to mystery-Sparkler-nominated charmedgiirl14 for...

Everytime I come on to Sparklife, I'm SO happy! With the world full of (pardon my language) STUPID people- who llike making other people sad for no reason, being mean, ignorant, and just blehhh, Sparklife brings me light and happiness

I log on and EVERYONE (I still don't understand how it's possible) is SO kind and nice and sweet AND fun and interesting and including (that was an adjective) AND smart and just perfect.

Sparklers are one of the only reasons I live.

*Kodak Moment*

Grossicles Points to MistySilvermace for this comment on the 5 Reasons Not to Use Your School Bathroom post...

A select few of the girls' bathrooms always look like crime scenes at our school. There's blood spattered everywhere, ALWAYS. I think I'd rather pretend someone was murdered in there than figure out what actually happened.

...to OxygenBlue for this comment on that post...

The locker room is where eveyone unleashes their perfume. It's just craploads of the same, generic perfume. Get some LUSH, people! At least it dosen't smell like sweat much. Except on hot days, (which is pretty much everyday, excluding the ten days of winter we get here.) then it smells like sweat and perfume, which is more horrible than the two alone.

...to EMDEE_3 for...

and my biotech class swabbed the bathrooms and then grew the bacteria in petri dishes. and my teacher had to send a few to more sophisticated labs so she could report the really gross ones to the principal.

LOL Points to...

...goodnight_kiwi for this comment on the same post...

People make up new sports in our toilets.

1. What Objects Can You Clog the Toilet With Today?
They have been known to use paper, school lunches, and even pens.

2. Paper Towel Throwing
They screw up paper towels, proceeding to drown them in water and throw them onto the ceiling, allowing them to stick there...forever.

Why??

...hanini_panini for this comment on the same post...

why do girls find the need to stand around for hours in the bathroom, gossiping? i mean, great, but theres tons of other, BETTER places you can do that. and people dont usually feel comfortable peeing whilst 10 people stand outside discussing mani-pedis and taylor lautner.

...The Mother Goose award goes to 2emalha for this comment on the alternative fairy tale Morals post...

Title: The Hare and the Tortoise

The Gist: The hare and the tortoise are peeved about something and decide to have a race to prove who's more macho. The rabbit takes off at lightning speed, while the turtle mooches along at .01 mph. The rabbit gets tired and falls asleep under a tree, thinking that the turtle will still be behind when he wakes up. He oversleeps, however, because he stayed up too late last night reading all the bunny-related articles on Sparknotes. He wakes up and finds the turtle crossing the finish line.

Moral: Never sleep. Sleep is evil. At the same time, get lots of sleep!

Title: Sleeping Beauty
The Gist: Princess cursed at birth to prick her finger on a spindle of a spinningwheel and die. Curse is cleverly manipulated by flouncy fairies. Princess pricks her finger on spindle and falls into a deep slumber for 100 years but does NOT die. Prince gives her the smooch of life and they live happily ever after

Moral: Spinning wheels are definite health hazards. Thank god for the much improved modern sewing machine

...and to sciencenerdess94 for...

Title: Snow White

The Gist: A queen gets jealous of a princess and asks a huntsman to kill the princess. The hunter lets the girl run away. The girl lives with dwarves. She takes an apple from the queen dressed like an old lady. The apple is poisoned. The princess dies, but is resurrected by the prince.
Morals: People in coffins can be brought back to life. Hunters can only kill animals. Queens are evil. Sing, and animals will do work for you. Never trust old ladies selling apples.

...and to travelwriter21 for...

Title: The tortoise and the hare

The Gist: A hare challenges a tortoise to a foot race. When the race starts, the hare runs some of the way then takes a nap, thinking he can still finish before the tortoise. The tortoise wins the race.

Moral: Animals are competitive in interspecies foot races.

...The Clean Break Award goes to blacktophat for this comment on the Better Breakup Methods post...

Calmly inform him that you are an alien sent to study the human species. Thank him for his cooperation and inform him that you're leaving with the mothership that night.

...LOL points to TPYK for this comment on the same post...

So simple. Propose to him/her. The emotional shock of such a huge commitment will melt their brains, thus freeing you from their evil chains of relationshipness

...The Facebook Police award goes to booksroxmysox09 for this comment on the Annoying Facebookers post...

I HATE IT when people have these depressing, sucidal statuses wherwe I feel like I need to call the cops. Or the ever infuriating OMG heart 33333 YOU!!!! && hitt upppp me celly )))))

I would like to introduce you to this thing called English.

LOL points to sweetiepie94 for this comment on the same post...

I'm not a serial-become-a-fan-er. But when people suggest you become a fan of something. Sometimes you're like "What? You just assume that I like to sing the Jonas Brothers in the shower? I mean, I do, but seriously why would you think that?"

The Pen is Mightier award goes to sciencenerdess94 for this comment on the What Should You Do With Your Pen? post...

My APHuG teacher thinks I have psychiatric issues due to the fact that, on his tests, I always draw myself stabbing a test with blood gushing out of the cuts. It's quite graphic!

LOL points to ManateesLookLikeWaterBalloons for this comment on the same post...

I am the queen of doodling. My evil math teacher makes animal noises at us randomly, or just does this scream thing that you can hear down the hal when you least expect it. Sooo...i once drew a comic about her being arrested by victoria stillwell (dog trainer from Its Me or the Dog). the rest of my notebook is song lyrics, realistc face drawing, and bunnies. There's one page full of talking fruits. I don't know why. I think i was hungry.

...and to blacktophat...

What shouldn't you do with your pen?

1. Stick it up your nose. It may get stuck and/or people may give you disgusted looks.

2. Click it. If you have a teacher who spasms and screams at you every time you do.

3. Suck on the end. Especially if it's one of those open ended gel-pens. You may get a mouthful of sparkly green ink.

4. Throw it at your sleeping friend. You may never get it back.

5. Lend out your only pen. The person will most likely 'forget' and eventually lose it completely.

I've done (almost) all of these.

...and to Helena 24 for this comment on the same post...

i like turning the little characters in my workbooks into CIA agents. a cheerful businessman gets sunglasses and an earpiece. a woman in a boring diving cap becomes an agent in an evening gown. i try especially hard not to let my teachers see- i feel like if they saw me turning a picnic basket into a bomb, it could be horribly misconstrued.

The Brownie Junkie award goes to enilorac16 for this comment on the 25 Things to Do When You're Bored post...

...my friend makes brownies in the winter months and gives them out at school. her reasoning is that people get sad and depressed during winter so her brownies can spread a little joy and stop people from being suicidal. I just nod my head and go along with it so I can get my allotted amount

The Spring Break Super Diet award goes to jeng15 for this comment on the  Homebound Spring Breaker's Guide: What to Eat post...

mmm...guacamole. this post made me hungry. but for spring break my diet included mostly fast food and easter candy (still attacking chocolate bunnies) and the occasional carrot (to trap the chocolate bunnies hehehe)

Lol points to purplecupcake4 for this comment on the same post...

my younger sister's favorite food is probably cheese. Fake, neon-orange, color-of-a-spray-tan cheese powder.
yum.

The Dan Bergstein Stalker of the Week award goes to MaggieGirl2013 for this comment on the Guylight, and Other Books for Dudes post...

...I think I love you. I am going to ask you out on a date: Wanna go skydiving and then jump up and down on a trampoline and then read Guy Light together? Totally! Awesome! I'll meet you at seven. My favorite type of flowers are pink roses and I like chocolate. I'll go fluff my hair! I expect you to be wearing a blue plaid shirt, a white shirt underneath, and I expect that blue shirt to be unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up. And wear khakis and loafers. Cling. Cling Cling.

LOL points to mochalatte7362 for this comment on the same post...

the execerpt is FREAKN funny.. funny enough that my prof kicked me out of history class b/c i was giggling like mad during the lecture and i couldnt really pass it off like i was paying attention considering he was talking about Robespierre's Reign of Terror...ya. bloodshed isnt really funny.

so now im kicked out... with my laptop. this guy is an idiot lol. screw this - im going home so i can be on sparknotes in comfort

...and to  DudleyvonKarma for this comment on the same post...

Well, if there's the guy equivalent of Twilight, then I think we also need the elderly version, baby version, and pets version.

The Heartbreaker award goes to hanini_panini for this comment on the Stages of a Breakup post...

My best friend had the worst break up I've known so far.
the conversation went a bit like this
her: "I feel like you've been ignoring me a bit these past few week..." *attempts to have deep talk*
him: "uh-huh. yeah. really. whatever" *continues playing halo on computer*
she was kind of upset, so we told her to break up with him, essentially.
her: *breaks up with him*
him: yeah, whatever. I've got more important things to do. I'm aiming for medical school' *continues playing halo on computer*

...yeah he was a douche.

this list was EXACTLY what she was like! good job!

The evil teachings award goes to neomaxizoomdwbi for this comment on the If Teachers Were Villains post...

The Wicked Witch of the West
Subject: Geography
Qualifications: She and her sisters know thier directions. It's even in her name.
Downside: She may want your shoes, and your dog.

Jaws
Subject: Marine Biology
Qualifications: He's a fish.
Downside: He may try to eat you.

The Terminator
Subject: Technology
Qualifications: He's a cyborg.
Downside: He may try to exterminate you... and the rest of us.

...and to vingland for this comment on the same post...

Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett as his co-teacher
Subject: Culinary Arts
Pros: MAD skills with knives and classifying human-meat pies
Cons: he cuts throats

they might teach engineering also. The automatic system to lead the bodies down is pretty effective and fast.

Oh I sound a bit creepy :-s

...and to FrankeyLou for this comment on the same post...

Name: Tyler Durden from Fight Club
Subject: Psychology
Qualifications: Firsthand experience of mental illness
Downside: Firsthand experience of mental illness... :/

LOL points to d.williams.7729 for this comment on the same post...

NAme: Edward Scissorhand
Teaches: Hairdressing or Ice Sculpture
Pros: He can do both
Cons: He may "accidently" cut someone.

The Bashful Betty award goes to neomaxizoomdwbi for this comment on the Pros and Cons of Shyness post...

I'm soo shy. I'm too busy thinking to myself, that I don't ever realize how quiet I am. People will look at me and go, "Do you ever talk? Do you even know how to talk??" So, I just look at them, and with the straightest face I can manage say, "No. I can't talk. Not at all." They always look so confused...

...and to hanini_panini for this comment on the same post...

i think i must have mulitiple personality disorder.
with my friends, its like i'm an escaped lunatic from a mental asylum who need to learn how to shut her mouth.
with my teachers, i'm just some shy sweet little girl who does her homework and doesn't talk much.

appearances can be deceptive

The Intoxicating Scent award goes to pennboz for this comment on the Eau de Literary Characters post...

Very nice, another good one
Great Grandpa (My Life)
Cologne de la Old People: Just the right fragrance to make all the kids go running. A heavy, musky combination of olives, eggs, and denture glue.

...and to travelwriter21 for this comment on the same post...

Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice)
Eau de Prejudice: Leave em' longing with this floral scent, with overtones of wit and prejudice. Guarenteed to attract noblemen and anger their aunts.

Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)
Proude: A woodsy scent, with hints of pride and rain, this is not a scent for the humble. While it may take some getting used to, this scent will win any girl's heart.

A note: this two scents compliment each other wonderfully when worn by a couple.

The Bold Ambition award goes to always_andrea for this comment on the The Daisy List post...

i made one of these before!
some items on my list included-

fill an entire swimming pool with blue jello and swimm in it
roll down a hill in a zorb ball
break a world record
visit every continent
ride a giraffe
hug a penguin
get locked in a mall for a night:3
lay in a field of daisies with a cute guy
see the great barrier reef
finish a rubix cube
destroy all spiders
see the ball drop on new years in new york city!

these are just a few

The Spring Awakening award goes to MaggieGirl2013 for this comment on the Sparkler's Spring Survival Guide post...

I live in a world of spring weather now a days. It is really nice, and now I can get back to dribbling my ball and making up stories in my head (wow. That sounds wrong. I have the maturity of a fourth grader, and the awesomeness of a ninety year old.)

The Prince Charming award goes to forever_n_always for this comment on the My Life... as a Fairy Tale post...

...i wish that were my life...except animal friends. they will just clean and be happy with their chubby cheeks for so long...until they get rabies, start killing the other woodland creatures, and foaming all over the house! i don't think they had animal control back then!

Congrats, Friampions! Now which Sparkler gets an award from you, and why?

Topics: The Internets
Tags: friday awards

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