Eau de Literary Characters

Posted April 5, 2010

Having your own restaurant is so 2005. Your own clothing line? Muy 2007. For celebs, perfume or cologne is the trendy brand extension. It says, "I smell; therefore I am [important]." And we're all for it. No need to wear Estée Lauder when we can wear Kim Kardashian. And instead of Chanel No. 5, we douse ourselves in Celine Dion. Yes, we like to leave them with a whiff that says, "That's So Raven."

But what about literary characters? After all, they are the celebs of the nerd world. So we think it's only fair that they get their own scents:

Edward Cullen (Twilight)

Vampyre: Get her blood running with this haunting fragrance featuring bright notes of bergamot, sandalwood, and misogyny.

Captain Ahab (Moby Dick)

Obseshun [sic, to differentiate it from Calvin Klein's Obsession, the perfume with the creepiest commercial of all time]: A heady fragrance combining the alluring scents of sea foam, patchouli, and whale sweat.

Bella Swan (Twilight)

Swan: The fragrance that won't make up its mind. Sometimes it's citrusy; sometimes it's woody. It's like your own personal brand of heroine.

Napoleon (Animal Farm)

Dictator: Seduction is power. Power is seduction. A profusion of floral scents will control their senses and their minds.

Hester Prynne (The Scarlet Letter)

Eau d'Adultery: Defy taboos with the sexy scents of passion fruit and vanilla. It's a true self-indulgence.

Old Dan (Where the Red Fern Grows)

Canis: Evocative notes of kibble, bits, and raccoon will have whoever tracks this scent crying like a baby.

Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

J'Abhor: For the man who hates everyone. A fresh, woody cologne with enticing hints of leather, misery, and despair.

Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)

Gatsby Pour Homme: Win her over with the scent of crisp, freshly printed Benjamins. With hints of daisy.