Auntie SparkNotes: Squeaking and Shrieking
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Dear Auntie SparkNotes,
So, there's this guy that I really like (like really really, head over heels kind-of like). And I'm pretty sure he likes me back (glances at me, smiles at me, asks me to be his partner for projects, talks to me, sits beside me, you get the idea). And I was doing great following your flirting guide, following my instinct and was seeing results. Until I let it slip to my friends that I like this guy.
Ever since then whenever I even look at him, they erupt in giggles and squeaks, which makes it really obvious. He looks happy, but I feel like I'm onstage and my lines aren't memorized. Before, whenever I talked to him it was so easy, comfortable, and we were going somewhere. But now, I feel like there's a spotlight on me and it's really bothering me that my friends are like this. I was never this way around their crushes, so I feel disrespected.
I wanna get some alone time with him, away from the screaming girls. I think that our relationship could get somewhere, but they keep giggling and talking to him and outshining me in every way around him. It feels like they want all of his attention on them, yet I know they don't like him that way. I never even opened my mouth beside any of their crushes, in order to let them shine. All I want is some time with him, to be able to talk without being interrupted by giggles, loud voices and flirtatious remarks. Please help, I really like this guy!!!!!
Okay, okay! It's gonna be all right! Take a deep breath and maybe sit down and have a Coke or something, before you start hyperventilating.
SO. You seem to be worried that these girls are distracting your crush from his original focus (you) by outshining you. But let's review the meaning of the word "outshine".
outshine: v. to excel in splendor or showiness
Your friends are squeaking, giggling, and screaming. Does any of that sound particularly splendid to you? Because to me, it sounds reeeeeeeeally annoying. And more likely than not, your crush agrees—which means that these girls aren't doing anything but irritating the pants off of you both. (If you look over at him during these squeak'n'shriek exchanges, you may even catch him rolling his eyes and mouthing the words, "Please help me.")
That doesn't mean your friends are being cool, but it does mean that you can back off from the righteous indignation over how much they're disrespecting you. They're not evil; they're just immature. There's even a good possibility that what you see as competitive flirting is just their (overzealous, ham-handed) attempt to help you land your guy. And if they're your friends, it shouldn't be much of a stretch to have a polite heart-to-heart in which you ask them to cool it. Just talk to them alone, before your crush enters the room, and say something like: "I need to ask you guys a favor. I really like [crush's name], and it makes me self-conscious when you all giggle and squeal every time I look at him. I'm so nervous around him already and the extra pressure is making me completely freaked out and tongue-tied."
Because you're framing your argument in terms of your own feelings (as opposed to going on the attack, slamming both fists on the table, and screaming, "Back off, you squeaking beyotches!"), your friends should be easily persuaded to do the friendly thing and scale back their squeaking shenanigans. Plus, you'll get some much-needed practice at trading in the Silent Fuming approach to problems in favor of the Polite Resolution technique.
And finally, even if they don't completely cool it, that doesn't mean you should let your insecurity over the "competition" get the better of you. If this guy likes you, he's not about to change his mind just because another girl squeaked at him. He'll be just as anxious as you are to spend some solo time together, sans your girl brigade. So approach him when your friends aren't around, or make plans to hang out after school, or duck around a corner and walk to class together...alone.
You can do it!
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