Writing a Sparkler Post in 6 Not-So-Easy Steps

By Contributor

March 19, 2010

Sparkler jewbiegirl hate us?!??!?!??! Nooooooooooooo! —SparkNotes editors

Out of the many things I’ve tried in my life, writing a SparkNotes post has been one of the hardest. I’d like to warn everybody about the steps they will most likely go through as they try to write an article:

Step one: Revelation

You are lounging around the house or maybe lying in bed when it comes to you—you have just thought of THE BEST IDEA EVER for a Sparkler post. You power up your computer, open your favorite word processor, and start to type.

Step two: Naming

However hard you strain, you can’t think of a decent title. THE BEST IDEA EVER won’t work; that doesn’t have anything to do with 100 reasons you love Dan Bergstein. Wait, your title could be 100 Reasons Why I love Dan Bergstein! Okay, so you have your title, but unfortunately that will bring you to step 3, which is one of the most aggravating things in the universe...

Step 3: Writer’s Block

You’ve written reason #1 (Because Dan is totally awesome) but can’t seem to form into words Dan’s other wonderful qualities. You stare at the screen for 15 minutes. You start to think that this idea is lame. You bet the SparkNotes editors have gotten tons of emails on the same topic, and rejected all of them. You hate the SparkNotes editors. They don’t appreciate the wonderfulness of Dan. You backspace everything you’ve written.

Step 4: Revelation Number Two

You are now aimlessly surfing the web, and realize that you could write a great article about types of crazy teachers. This time you’re on a roll, and you are sure your new post will get published on SparkLife, and then lots of Sparklers will tell you how awesome it was and add you as a friend. You type furiously.

Step 5: Distraction

Hey, is that a purple flying monkey? You hit save and click around to follow it. It turns out to be a very nice flying monkey, and you guys become friends. And then you and the flying monkey have a sleepover and you introduce your new ape friend to the awesomeness of SparkNotes. You guys start browsing the archives, and your eyes widen in horror…

Step 6: Great Minds Think Alike

There is a Sparkler post, sitting right on your computer monitor, entitled Four Types of Crazy Teachers. B-b-but you were writing that article! No fair! You give up on ever writing a Sparkler post ever again, but a few months later, the cycle starts again...

What's the biggest thing standing between you and Sparkler post fame?