The Dangers of Outdoor Dating

Here in New York, the first signs of spring are starting to appear in and around our Sparknotes headquarters—including some lovely things that make us happy (warm sunshine, pretty flowers, and cheerful people on bicycles), and some not-so-lovely things that... um, don't. (Yesterday we stepped out the door and saw two pigeons getting busy on the sidewalk. Ew, you guys! Get a NEST!) But while spring has a way of igniting the romantic passions of pretty much every species, when the warmer weather arrives, it also brings a conundrum. Couples (human couples) who were driven inside by the cold, harsh winter now have to make a decision: Stay indoors? Or date al fresco?

Tough choice, you guys. Because while outdoor dating has its upsides—strolling in parks, paddling on lakes, making out behind large trees—it also carries serious risks in the form of flesh-eating insects, rabid animals, and possible death. OMG! The horror! So how will you know whether you should take your relationship outside, or remain safely ensconced behind closed doors? We've put together this list of possible outdoor dates, complete with their pros and cons, to help you make an informed decision.

The Date: A garden stroll
Why it's awesome: Gardens are inherently romantic places. They've got pretty flowers, pleasant smells, and a plethora of hide-behindable shrubs for secret smooching. (Let's just say that there's a reason why people in Victorian novels are always going for garden walks together, and it's not because they just love looking at rhododendrons.)
But watch out: Gardens may contain killer bees and sneeze-inducing pollen. Or, even worse, garden gnomes.

The Date: A day at the beach
Why it's awesome: Well, duh—when else can you hang out with your crush in what is basically your underwear and slather each other's bodies with lotion, all without raising parental eyebrows?
But watch out: The beach is next to the ocean, and the ocean is full of things that want to KILL YOU, like sharks and jellyfish and giant flesh-eating plankton. And then there's the whole problem of sand in, er, uncomfortable places.

The Date: A hike through the woods
Why it's awesome: The whole concept of hiking is so adorably wholesome that you'll probably be free to do it sans chaperone...which you can both laugh about somewhere in between smooching at the scenic outlook and taking a quick dip in a mountain stream. Plus, climbing several miles together will give you and your date an intimacy-boosting shared sense of accomplishment.
But watch out: There are bears in the woods. BEARS. Or, if there aren't bears, there are definitely mosquitoes and chiggers and North American biting skunks. Wildlife is scary! And so is your date, when he's whining about how tired his legs are and asking you to carry him.

The Date: A picnic
Why it's awesome: If you like food, and you like the outdoors, then eating food outdoors is an obvious next step. Plus, a picnic date will allow you to fulfill your lifelong fantasy of feeding individual grapes to your crush while she reclines on a bed of ferns... if you have such a fantasy, of course. Not that we do. (We'll just put these grapes away, now.)
But watch out: Risks of a picnic include ants, rain, and the accidental muddying of butts due to poor placement of your picnic blanket. Not to mention how awful it'll be when it turns out that your crush is allergic to grapes and projectile vomits all over the ferns.

The Date: Tennis, soccer, croquet, and other games of love
Why it's awesome: When you're engaged in a little friendly competition, you and your date will have more fun and the conversation will flow better than it would if you were just sitting awkwardly on the sofa. And it's good exercise, too.
But watch out: If your crush is ultra-competitive and hates to lose, what starts out as a friendly game of croquet can end up with a trip to the ER for one of you (and the local jail for the other.)

Have you gone on any fun outdoor dates?

Related post: The Rules of Old-School Dating