Auntie SparkNotes: And the Heart Says, "Duuuh"

Dear Auntie Sparknotes
I think I might have the worst timing in the universe when it comes to my love life. I’ve never really been the “dating type”; I’m not a big fan of the drama that tends to come with it. But recently I found a guy that I care enough for and feel comfortable enough with to work through it all. This would normally make me very happy—if it weren’t for the whole his-@$$-belongs-to-the-Navy thing. I’m proud of him and what he's doing for our country (not to mention the fact that he looks ADORABLE in his sailor outfit!) but I’m not super happy with the fact that my boyfriend just got stationed to live in another state. It’s not super far, but I can’t afford to go up and visit him, and he can’t come home for another nine months. Even though we haven’t been going out for very long, and he’s only been gone for a few weeks, I already miss him way way way too much, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t have any experience with long distance relationships, and neither does he. It makes me feel insecure, and I keep finding myself wondering if I’m mature enough to handle this. Even if we do last through these next nine months, he’s enlisted for eight years.

Is it wrong for me to try and stick this out with him, even though our current situation is painful for both of us? Should I just end our relationship now before it gets harder? Is there anything we can do to make this suck less?

A Navy boy? Ooooooh yeah. They do look cute in those uniforms, don't they? Especially those pants. Woof!

Um...but I digress.

So: It's natural (and blessedly mature) of you to be thinking seriously about whether this relationship is right for you. Long distance can work, of course—there are people all over the country who manage to stick it out through military deployments—but it's really hard, even for couples who have been together for a lot longer than you and Mr. Navybutt. And you're both young. And you've never really dated anyone else. AND his job makes monogamy a challenge.

And ordinarily, this is where I'd tell you that it's not worth the investment and you should just break it off...
But I'm not going to.

Partly it's because you seem to be facing this situation realistically and not trying to B.S. yourself about how hard it's gonna be. (The fact that you're questioning whether you're mature enough to handle this relationship is, in and of itself, a sign of maturity. Weird, huh?) But more than that, you seem to be genuinely on the fence about this. And when you don't know what you want, there's no harm in waiting until you do—which you will, because one of two things will happen:

Possibility 1: The initial shock of being apart will wear off, and you and your boyfriend will settle into a routine that works for you, keeping in touch and making a serious effort to stay interested and involved in each other's lives. (This falls under the category of "ways to make this suck less," by the way. Regularly-scheduled phone calls, letters, photos and packages—all these things will help you stay connected and stave off those feelings of insecurity.) You'll also keep yourself busy and involved with friends, activities, school, etc., so that you've got other sources of happiness in your life apart from your relationship. And while you'll still miss him, it'll be more like a dull ache than a hatchet to the face.

Possibility 2: It won't work. The feelings of insecurity will get worse, or you'll find that you're spending all your time and energy on your relationship (not good), or you'll meet someone else you're interested in dating, OR you'll find that you just don't feel connected to your boyfriend the way you once did. You're at a point in your life when everything, including you, is evolving and changing. Who you are at 18 isn't going to be who you are at 20, or 23, or 30, and even people who see each other every day often find that growing up means they've grown apart.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Option 2 is a lot more likely. Most people don't end up with the first person they date. But it's your decision, and until you're ready to make it, there's nothing wrong with waiting and seeing... just as long as you're ready to see the truth, and to cut the cord if and when it's no longer in your best interests to stay with your boyfriend. So keep your eyes open, pay attention to your feelings, cultivate a life that doesn't revolve exclusively around your relationship...

... and when your heart starts saying something besides, "Uhhhhh," you'll be listening.

What does your heart say? (Mine says, "I want Cheez-Its.") Leave your comments below! To friend Auntie on Facebook, go here. And to get advice, email your questions to advice@sparknotes.com.