When Sports Uniforms Go Terribly, Terribly Wrong

Those of you coming down with March Madness probably watched some NCAA basketball this weekend. (Go Cats!) We realize the NCAA championship is supposed to be a celebration of gambling the student-scholar and America's third favorite pastime. For us, it is also a reminder of everything that can go terribly, terribly wrong with sports uniforms:

The infinite wedgie. There's a lot of movin' and groovin' going on in a sports uniform. A little too much fabric here, a little too little fabric there, and suddenly you can taste your shorts. Or maybe your butt is just smiling.

Oooh that smell! Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know you don't sweat, you "glisten," but that glisten's got all sorts of stink in it. If you're lucky, it becomes enmeshed in the fabric of your uniform permanently. Febreeze can only do so much.

Pits, stop! What's worse than looking like you peed your pants? Looking like you peed your pits. Believe it or not, that yellow stain is caused not by your sweat, but by your antiperspirant. That deo. for your B.O. contains acidic chemicals that can alter the color of your clothes. Embarrassed by your uniform's pit stains? Consider going au naturel. Sometimes the best defense is offense, right?

The used uni. The above problems are downright horrifying when you know they were caused by the uniform's previous owner. Alas, until school budgets include a line item for "Wicked sweet new jerseys," there is no 'I' in team unform.

The emperor's new uniform. When will uniform makers realize that white becomes see-through when wet?

Wardrobe malfunctions. The same guy who designed white uniforms was apparently also instrumental in putting female field hockey and lacrosse players in miniskirts.

Grass and dirt stains (and blood if you're particularly grizzled). Okay, we may have a suspect in the case of who invented white uniforms: Tide.

Nubbiness. Have you ever noticed that when you wash something a thousand times, it starts to feel like sandpaper? So have we.

Complaints about your sports unis? Let us know.

Related post: Incredibly Strange High School Sports