Auntie SparkNotes: Clerical Crushes

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

My crush is looking at a career as a man of the cloth. I'm also pretty sure he likes me back.

The courses of action for both facts aren't exactly complementary. Normally, you leave priests alone, and seeing as he's off to study in some monastery next year, he's as good as. But then again, you normally go for it if you think a guy likes you back. So what do I do? To flirt or not to flirt? If I flirt with him, I could potentially really mess with his future. Even though I don’t think a high school romance would disqualify him from a career in the clergy, he still is a teenaged boy, and, well, that vow of chastity probably doesn’t sound too good right now anyway. It would not be the first case of a guy throwing away his future over a girl. Then there’s the whole part where I’d essentially be competing with God. Cue my religious conscience.

But if I don’t, I could be missing out on something great. Also, as a friend pointed out, I could be doing him a disservice. He might not be cut out for a life of celibacy, but unless somebody gives him a chance how will he ever find out until it’s too late? Basically, do I treat him like he's already giving sermons, or go for it?

Whoa, whoa, whoooooa. He might be "as good as," but "as good as" is NOT the same thing as "is," Your crush has a lot of schoolin' ahead of him before he gets to put the collar on. And sure, once the collar's on, you're supposed to look for romance elsewhere or be ready to face some serious disappointment. (Or worse. Have you guys seen Quills? Yeesh.)

But when the collar's not on yet... well, you're open for business.
The business of looooove.

First of all, some facts: a high school (or any other type of) romance will not disqualify your crush from a career in the church, if that's what he wants. (Take it from someone who knows; I once dated a charming young man who is now a Catholic priest. Crazy, right?) A checkered past won't preclude a willing person from becoming a clergyman. Basically, the church cares about what you do after you take your vows, not before.

But now that we've covered that, the more important thing is this: Your crush has to make his own decisions about what he does (or doesn't) want to do with his life. You talk about guys "throwing away" their plans over a girl, but that's really just another way of saying that plenty of guys (and girls, too) will choose a future after weighing various factors, including romantic ones. And while it might seem like this is a bigger deal because of the religious aspect, it's really just another version of a universal story: people make, revise, or discard plans all the time, whether they're choosing a career that matches a newfound passion, or picking from a handful of next-best colleges after getting rejected from a first choice, or commuting to school in order to stay close with hometown friends and family.

Stop thinking of yourself as in direct competition with your crush's destiny. You're already a part of his life, and you can't make decisions for him. So quit worrying about him for a second, and tell me: What do you want? Do you like him? Do you want to flirt with him?

Then do it.

It may turn out that the potential romance is nothing but a brief distraction on his road to priesthood, or he might decide that a life without romantic intimacy isn't for him and rethink his plans, or he might abandon both you and the church in order to pursue a career in dolphin-wrangling at Sea World. And all that? Not your problem. He has to make the decision that's best for him.

Your job is to make the one that's best for you.

P.S. One last fact: if a guy decides to alter his priestly plans just because a girl flirted with him, he wasn't cut out for a life of celibacy in the first place. And on the flip side, there's no good reason for him not to see what all the romantic fuss is about before committing to a lifetime of sermons, solitude, and no makeouts, ever. Just sayin'.

Have you ever dated a pre-priest? Sound off in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email your questions to advice@sparknotes.com.