Auntie SparkNotes: Turn Up Your Flirter to Eleven

Dear Auntie,
I'm in a bit of a dilemma here. This guy at school (let's call him Mark), is known to be very flirty. I can't tell the difference between flirting for fun and flirting because you're interested. He's been flirting with me a lot (i.e. giving me The Look, The Talk... so and so, and if I didn't know any better I think he might have been reading your guide to flirting). But anyways, I've developed an attraction to him (He's this basketball pro, shy but in a cute way, he's really sweet, he's the kind of sensitive guy even though he can get cocky sometimes, and he's soooo nice to me). If he's just flirting for fun, I don't want to get led on and end up getting hurt at the end. We only talk in school and not outside of school so we're not that close but I've known him for about 2 years now. I don't understand him sometimes because he flirts with so many girls and I don't know who he really likes. Should I just put my confidence pants on and ask him if he likes me? I'm worried because if I do that, I might scare him off or I might make it awkward between us. I also don't want to seem like those kind of girls who take every little thing a guy does and interprets it, taking it as mixed signals (just like in that movie, He's Just Not That Into You).

Am I being crazy? Should I confront him? Should I stop flirting with him? What should I do???

Are you being crazy? Yes. But not because of the Mark thing—you're doing okay there. No, the reason you're being crazy is that you actually watched and referenced "He's Just Not That Into You" for the purpose of real-life relationship analysis.

DON'T DO THAT.

In fact, please promise me you'll never watch that movie (or read that book) again. All of you, promise me. NEVER AGAIN. Not only is it an awful bit of cinema that expects us all to actually buy the idea that Justin Long is a hot piece of man-meat (really, Hollywood? He looks like a piece of asparagus!), but it feeds into harmful and moronic stereotypes that form the basis for 95% of all romantic insanity.

Which is to say that you're not crazy, but watching "He's Just Not That Into You" (and movies like it) is a pretty good way to guarantee that you'll end up that way.

Now, about that boy.

Your best option is neither A (stop flirting) or B (confront). It's C: keep on flirting.

There's no harm at all in flirting just for fun, provided it's all relatively casual. It's good practice, and since flirting is just an elevated version of talking, it's also a great way to get to know someone you're potentially interested in dating before you take the plunge into couplesville. (See: flirting for fun because you're interested.) So if you're attracted to Mark and want to figure out whether he likes you, don't stop flirting. Instead, flirt more, and more strategically, to see whether he returns your feelings. Because even a guy who flirts with lots of different girls will show extra attention to one that he like-likes.

From here, you should head over to the flirting guide (recommended reading includes the conversation tips from this installment, and the guide to stepping up your flirtation with a friend), escalate your level of contact, and see what happens. Are you guys talking more? Is he making eye contact, getting close to you during conversation, letting your arms/hands/legs/etc "accidentally" touch? Does he pass by other girls in favor of chatting with you? If he's interested, you two will begin to seek each other out naturally, and you'll notice him flirting with other girls less—at least when you're around, because he'll prefer your company to theirs. You'll find that he seems more familiar with what's going on with you, not just because you're talking more, but because an interested guy is more invested in knowing who you are and what's happening in your life.

And once you're there, you should go ahead and coyly ask if he... y'know, likes anyone. Although you may not have to; by this point, if he's picking up on your signals too, he might have asked you out already.

Finally, try not to think of a guy's aimless flirting as "leading you on." You don't want to obsess endlessly over every little thing a guy does, but you also don't want to charge into every attraction with guns blazing and a "RELATIONSHIP OR BUST" sign stamped on your forehead. Engaging in a little back-and-forth and learning to read the obvious signs that he likes you (and trust me, they'll be hard to miss) is highly worthwhile—even if it turns out that the signs aren't there and he doesn't like you that way. It teaches you to be cool, to be patient, and to not put all your eggs in one basket.

Basically, it's a good way not to be crazy.

Now get rid of that movie. I mean it.

Thoughts? Feelings? Savvy comments regarding the cinematic origin of this post title? Leave them all in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.