Revenge of the Gingers

In many places, especially the UK, redheads with freckles (aka gingers) are shunned and teased. "No more!" says Sparkler scary_owl, and we agree. —SparkNotes editors

Fact: Gingers are an awkward and alienated group of people.
Myth: Gingers are aliens and therefore don’t have souls.
Another fact: Gingers are constantly ragged on, made fun of, and generally regarded as socially useless.

Gingers of the world, I am here to tell you that you don’t always have to take the backseat. You can be assertive. Yes, you read me correctly: you have the power to change people’s minds about us. Just follow these four simple steps:

1. Play nice.
I know what you’re thinking, guys: how could this possibly work? What is “nice”? Me no understand. But don’t fret, gingers—I have a plan. Don an orange Santa costume and station yourself outside of a Wal-Mart or some other busy, public place. Ring a bell and hand out fliers with pictures of this little guy on them while you gently badger people about the ginger stereotype and how they can help stop it before it goes completely global. Some countries haven’t been afflicted—and it’s their job to help! They may take pity on you. After all, gingers are going extinct.

2. Spread awareness...
...Via megaphone, fliers, skits, billboards, or anything else you can think of. Better yet, combine all four and show the world that you can multitask and are therefore a genius (but not an evil one—that’s another myth about gingers). Because multitasking = intelligence.

How to multitask: Buy a couple hundred megaphones, paint them orange, and distribute them to all of your ginger friends. If you don’t have that many ginger friends, include your ginger enemies if you must. Once you have gathered all of the gingers you know, the rest is simple. Hand out the same fliers mentioned in step one and harass people with the megaphones, shouting “WE HAVE SOOOUUULLLSS!” Don't forget to appoint a group of people to be The Actors. These people are crucial, for they will act out ginger stereotypes and ways you can stop them. Fight the man!

3. Build an army.
Now it’s time to play dirty, gingers. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Before I tell you what else to do, here is the most crucial point: you MUST name your army Ginger Spice. No questions. Then, take the one to two hundred (actually, make that a thousand) gingers you assembled during step two. Paint all of them orange and dress them in carrot costumes. Make one person the Almighty CD Player Carrier, and have him play a fun tune to which you can all march. What? You can’t be totally intimidating all of the time. Give the rest of your army the megaphones you painted earlier, and have them shout, “The gingers are coming! The gingers are coming!” Use psychological warfare to scare your opponents into submission. I know this seems aggressive, but it may be necessary if all else fails.

4. Bask in the glory of your newfound normalcy.
Wow! It worked! Now that you have converted the previous gingerphobes into ginger LOVERS, you are ready to dwell normally in society. Okay, well, maybe people still don’t consider you normal, but that’s okay. You still deserve some praise for your efforts. Give yourselves a pat on the back, soldiers—people are still scared of us! And that's worth something.

Are you a ginger? Do you know one?

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