Hanging Out with Jazzy: 5 Signs Your Teacher has "Issues"

Epic. Teacher. Fail. Details from vilanous_mwaha. —SparkNotes editors

All teachers have ticks. Some pick on you, some shout, some never call on you when your hand is up, etc. But sometimes, like in the rare cases listen below, it is apparent that your teacher is CRAZY! You know you've got a basket case if...1. He/she treats your class like dogs or soldiers.

For example: (Students enter room)
Teacher: SILENCE! Get back out of this room you insolent, puny children!
(Students leave room in complete silence)
Teacher: Shut up! This is not a game! This is not funny! You WILL obey me!
(A student coughs!)
Teacher: WHAT DID I JUST SAY YOU DIRTY MONGREL! I don’t think you quite get it: I will train you successfully, and then you will finally be able to go on walks down the hall without playing in puddles, barking at other ragamuffins, or sniffing each other’s bottoms. Okay?
…….
That’s better.
(Student "Smith" giggles)
Teacher: That is IT! The rest of you back to your seats. Smith, get in the dog basket.

2. She tells you about her personal problems which, incidentally, have absolutely nothing to do with quantum physics.

It is rather off-putting to have a large class debate about why Miss Dimple’s ex-husband shouldn’t get the porcelain vase on the mantelpiece the day before your exam. It’s just not productive.

3. He regularly insults you.

Anything you do simply triggers the insult button on the insult panel in the insult sector of his really rather insulting mind. You got a detention, so apparently you've become "disgusting and worthless." Or you forgot to bring your homework to school, which makes you "nothing more than an imbecile. A slimy, idiotic, arrogant, pathetic FAILURE of a human being." And if you scratch your nose while he is talking, you are obviously "a stupid, cocky, obnoxious, weak little amoeba." Some teachers really know how to treat you right.

4. He hacks your Facebook account and change your status, in the middle of class!

Yes, I genuinely know a teacher who did this. It was French class, Wednesday afternoon, and a foolish friend of mine left his account open on the main class computer. I won't say what the teacher wrote, but reactions included: "pwned by a teacher!" and "LOL!!!!!!!" This type of teacher may not have issues, per se, but it's best to be alert in his presence.

5. THEY CLEARLY JUST HAVE ISSUES!

For instance: they talk to themselves, have paranoia, anger problems, personal traumatic experiences, dislike of werewolves, dislike of jetpacks, uncontrollable bloodlust, hatred of fun (sound familiar, anyone?) and a habit of seeing things that are not actually there...wow. Those characteristics sound A LOT like a certain family of mythical creatures I could mention, but you all already know who I mean.

How can you tell if your teacher has issues?

Related Post:Hanging Out with Jazzy: 25 Ways to Caaaaalm Yourself

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