Don't Put Your Butt Where Your Mouth Is: The Art of Making a Funny Bet
Bet: By the end of this article, you will say, “Eww.” If you don’t say it, we will give you a cyber-high-five and 16 points. If you do say it, then we win, and you need to drink orange juice mixed with toothpaste, out of the mouth of a sick turtle.
Making wagers like this with friends can be fun. You probably do it all the time. Bet on who can jump over the fire hydrant. Bet on who will finish the test first. Bet on which student is most likely to dress up in green on St. Patrick’s Day. And the terms of the bet are usually pretty simple. The loser must wear a goofy article of clothing. The loser must say something embarrassing out loud. The loser must shave something. The loser must moon someone.
Those types of bets are all right. But we’d like a bit more variety when it comes to paying up. (Plus, we really don’t want to see your butt.) So, to help improve lives and make the world a wonderful place, we have created some new wagers to make with your friends (and soon-to-be enemies):
The loser must spend three hours inside a 99-Cent Store. (Warning: The loser may become severely depressed after the first 20 minutes and attempt to flee.)
The loser must find a discarded tissue and pick it up with his mouth.
The loser must change her ring tone to “Party in the U.S.A.” and keep it that way for 30 days. She is not allowed to put the phone on vibrate at all during this time.
The loser must wear a sign that reads, “Justin Bieber is pure sex.”
The loser must listen only to Kidz Bop albums for one week.
The loser must send out an email to everyone s/he knows with the subject line “Pregnant.” The body of the message should simply say, “Will call you later.” The person is not allowed to send any emails or talk on the phone for one hour.
The loser must end every sentence by shouting, “Like a light bulb,” as in the jokey version of the song Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. (e.g. “Does anyone have the notes from yesterday? Like a light bulb!”) Failure to do so will result in pinches and/or financial loss.
The loser must explain both Twitter and Facebook to an elderly person, and is not allowed to leave until the elderly person completely understands each site.
The loser must change his Facebook/Twitter profile picture to this photo of actor Michael Rapaport looking aloof. The loser must also join all Michael Rapaport fan pages, and post status updates about his love for Michael Rapaport for the next 24 hours. (e.g. “Michael Rapaport was amazing in Hitch!”)
The loser must walk into a pet store, buy a goldfish, and as she is leaving, ask the clerk, “Goldfish can’t feel pain, right? By the way, where’s the nearest hardware store that sells big nails?”
The loser must watch Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen.
Have you ever made a crazy bet?
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