The 10 Rules of Writing

Writing is like skinning a cat—there’s more than one way to do it. And in Elmore Leonard's book, The 10 Rules of Writing, all types of writers are chiming in on how they do what they do best.

Their advice ranges from the obvious (surfing the internet is obviously a detriment to productivity) to the hilarious (“Do not place a photograph of your favourite author on your desk, especially if the author is one of the famous ones who committed suicide.”). But what if you’re just writing a paper for class? We got you covered, Sparklers! Here are our ten rules of writing:

1. Do not write on an empty stomach

Inevitably you will use eating as an excuse to stop writing. Alternatively, you will try to write while eating, spill food on your keyboard, decide you have to clean it, discover you can’t find the wipes, go to the store, pick up some groceries for your mom…and then it’s 10 p.m. and all you’ve written is “The thesis of my paper is.”

2. Do not write while sleepy

“thissss bokke was abt how much oheplia hated hammy anddddddddddddddddddddddddddd” and we’re going to go ahead and guess you just slept yourself down a grade.

3. Write down your genius ideas immediately

We don’t care if you have to write the opening line to your term paper on a sheet of toilet paper—when you get the idea, you write that bad boy down! Who knows when another great writing revelation will strike?

4. Write on the brink of delirium

If you suffer from PPD (Pervasive Procrastination Disorder), as nearly all great writers do, you know that there is a time—usually the night before the paper is due—when the crazies set in. You'll know this time has arrived when you’ve fastened some shorts on your head like a turban and are talking in a British accent (or an American accent if you're British). Right before extreme crazy is brilliance. Go there.

5. Keep it simple

Though it is very beguiling to usurp convention and ostentatiously evince your prodigious breadth of vocabulary, using too many big words can make you sound like a crazy convict who just discovered the dictionary and is writing his/her first letter to the outside world. Be simple and concise.

6. Don't cheat with font size

Everyone knows that 12-point Times New Roman is one of the tiniest fonts in the world. But if you try to turn in five pages of 14-point Arial, you might as well pre-mark it with a C and save your teacher the trouble.

7. Wear comfortable shoes

Sometimes the best way to battle writers' block is to move. Do jumping jacks, dance, throw some karate kicks up in the air. Whatever gets the blood flowing will get the brain moving as well.

8. Be wary of the sick day

We know it’s only a coincidence that you have headacheupsetstomachsorethroatitis on the day your big paper is due, but running from the writing won’t put off the fact that it needs to get done. Better to power through than give yourself an extra 48 hours to procrastinate.

9. Don't stress too much about page requirements

Your teacher sets paper lengths mostly to make sure she hasn’t been talking to herself for the past 45 minutes. If your paper is quality, don’t worry that the quantity is half a paragraph shy of six pages (unless you've been assigned a 5-paragraph essay—then you're kinda stuck).

10. Let yourself get frustrated

Even the greatest writers in the world go through moments when they hate their writing. If your own writing makes you want to jump off a cliff into a pile of grizzly bears, it doesn’t mean you're awful; it just means you're like everyone else. But don’t jump off a cliff into a pile of grizzly bears.

What are your rules of writing?

Related Post: 5 Cures for Writer's Block