Olympic Medals for Being Ordinary

Most high school athletes don't win Olympic medals. But at banquets and pep rallies and random ceremonies in the cafeteria, they do win awards for sportsmanship, performance, and the ability to maintain decent grades while spending hours on the court/field/track.

But what about the average student? The student who pores over books, memorizing seemingly useless factoids? Or the editor of the student paper, who makes a passionate effort to cover the debate team and its awesome tirades? Or the guy with perfectly disheveled hair and a great sense of humor? Where are the medals for these people? Where are the medals for being ordinary in an outstanding way?

Here are the medals we think the IOC (International Ordinary Committee) should award to the people who shine every day in the halls of our schools:

GOLD

Top Sandwich Chef: That kid brings the most tightly packed lunch you’ve ever seen, and his sandwiches are art, piled high with lettuce, onions, and tomatoes, and smothered with chipotle mayo. He has three different kinds of meats on funky bread, like tomato basil, and he’s always willing to share some of his ultra-seasoned barbeque chips, fun-sized Snickers, and freshly baked cookies. He never settles for a plain bologna sandwich, and you wouldn't be surprised if one day he opens a sandwich shop that dominates Subway.

A Beautiful Mind: Any person willing to stay after school and help you pass your honors algebra class (how did you get placed in that, anyway?) deserves a gold medal. That girl could be out there doing bigger and better things, like her own homework, but she chooses to help you. Her endurance is phenomenal. After trying to show you the difference between variables, coefficients, constants, and irrational numbers, any rational person would take a break, but your little math tutor just tries again, because she’s in it to win it.

SILVER

Odd (Wo)man Out: She’s the girl in AP English who actually understand Virginia Woolf, even without consulting SparkNotes. She wears a cape over her sweaters, stars in all the musicals, and uses words like "incredulous" as liberally as other kids use the word “like.” She subscribes to conspiracy theories, believes in aliens, has an ant farm, and wins awards for her modern art. She might not fit in, but she’s too cool to dislike, and she’s even envied. She deserves silver, but would probably prefer something more strange, like nickel.

Making it Bearable: This guy brightens up the three-hour field trip ride to a strange farm with his latest take on the blue people in Avatar. He can do spot-on impressions of George Dubbyah, Robert Pattinson, and TI. He knows everything about pop culture, and like Joel McHale on “The Soup,” he’s really talented at making gossip sound even more stupid than it actually is. He’s an aspiring comedian, and his talent show act reeks of Michael Ian Black. For his encyclopedic knowledge of all things “30 Rock” alone, this guy deserves a medal.

BRONZE

The Un-Changeling: This person doesn’t move. His dedication to unwavering and complete stillness is profound. Day after day, he sits at the same lunch table, parks his car in the same spot, parts his hair in the same way, and wears a sweater just like the one he wore the day before. It sorta makes you wonder if he sleeps in the third floor bathroom—you know, the random one with the tub?

The Volunteer: Any time someone is asked to volunteer for a soup kitchen weekend, or a day at the old people’s home, this person gladly puts herself in the running. Need someone to be in your play about WWII? She'll do it. Need a pal to wash cars after school for the cheerleading squad? She's game, even though she hates squealing girls. She never puts herself first, and will eat your peanut butter and jelly sandwich despite her peanut allergy, if you just ask nicely enough. Does she want the bronze medal? Maybe not, but if you ask her to accept, she gladly will.

Which medals for ordinariness would you award?

Related post: The Official SparkLife High School Olympic Games