Get Your Tax On

Sparkler xochelcx2 is from the capital of New York, Albany, where budget cuts and money woes are the talk of the town. Luckily, she's come up with some (hilarious) "tax proposals" to generate revenue for her state. —SparkNotes editors

With New York State’s budget deficit up to $8 billion, and the latest Governor David Paterson drama, the state desperately needs someone new to curb the chaos. Considering that the New York state government is completely incapable of handling money (and sex scandals), it's up to us to come up with new ways to make some moolah. Forget about the obesity tax; here are five taxes that will surely reduce the NYS budget deficit:

1. Fake and bake tax.

It’s wintertime. What does that mean for teens across the nation? Tanning time! With, like, prom only, like, four months away, like, we need to tan. Like. Oompa-Loompa is the hottest style in the US, and the orange girls and guys are gallivanting around looking for the next "it" tanning booth. I don’t know how much money the government would make if it taxed tanning booths, lotion, and idiocy, but I’m pretty sure it would be in the billions.

2. Video game tax.

If we really want to “cure” obesity and promote healthy lifestyles, why not enact a video game tax? Tax to death all of the WOW players out there, and the government will see a pretty penny in its pocket. Include additional taxes for gamers who play over ten hours a day and watch the money pixel in.

3. Jersey Shore tax.

No, the show isn't called New York Shore, but hey, we know that Governor Paterson hates the state, so why not tax people who watch the show? Snooki (the Princess of Poughkeepsie), J-Woww, and Pauly D provide an escape from the troubled reality of New York by showing us the even more troubled reality of the Jersey shore. By taxing everyone’s guilty pleasure, the state can GTL for years to come. (While we’re at it, tax fist-pumping, too.)

4. Crazy vampire-lover tax. (Also known as the Twilight tax.)

"Twihards" are running rampant throughout the region, so why not tax them? Whenever they even speak of Twilight, tax them.

“I love Edward Cullen.” Tax.

“Jacob’s abs are so hot.” Tax.

“I wish I were the pathetic and persistently annoying Bella Swan.” Tax.

“OMG Eclipse comes out Summer 2010.” Tax.

“Bite me. No. Really. Please.” Tax.

The government would gain so much money from this they wouldn’t be able to spend it all. (Hahahaha that’s a joke, they’d find a way.)

5. First Tax.

Any Sparkler would kill to get the coveted "FIRST!!!!!" on their favorite blog, so why not tax 'em? (Hey, NYS is really in need of some money, so work with me here!) I’m positive that the money gained from this taxing firsts would erase the entire country’s debt. We could even pay back China and maybe buy some bonds from Dubai.

What would you tax?

Related Post: Blogging The State of the Union

Wanna write for SparkLife? Send your submission and nickname to contribute@sparknotes.com for consideration.