Auntie SparkNotes: Your Ex Is a Piranha. Figuratively Speaking.

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

It's Valentines day and I've found myself curled in front of my laptop, eating Ben and Jerry's and crying onto my cat's head. A few weeks ago I sent you a letter about being unsure about dating my ex again -- well, I did, for the eleventh time and we broke up TODAY. This sucks. I know it's probably completely unhealthy to date someone so many times, but I didn't know what to do. Ugh, How do I stop repeating this same stupid cycle? I don't want to do this again.

Eeek. Well, I'm certainly sorry I didn't catch your earlier letter. This is probably a good time to mention an important fact about The Writing Patterns of Auntie SparkNotes: even if I do use your question, a week or two usually elapses between the time you send it to me and the time that I post it. Which means that if you have a super-urgent problem—for instance, if you're currently writing me a letter that begins, "Dear Auntie, I am submerged up to my neck in a tank full of piranhas and was wondering if I should get out"—you might want to consult an immediate source of feedback instead of (or at least, in addition to) me.

Now, while everyone else gets out of the piranha tank (seriously guys, OUT. Now!), let's talk about your problem—which is, in fact, not dissimilar from remaining submerged in a tank full of flesh-eating fish when you should really be running for the exit. Except that there's only one flesh-eating fish, and he's really big, and he's already taken eleven bites out of your thigh.

No, don't feel bad. You're not alone in this; dating (and re-dating) an ex is a universally accepted and extremely popular method of shooting yourself in the foot. (And it's not just teenagers who do it, either. Some of Auntie's friends, who are otherwise a highly intelligent and desirable bunch of adults, have been known to wallow in the miserable muck of a relationship that doesn't work rather than cut loose and move on.) But make no mistake: you are shooting yourself in the foot. Or taking your pants off in front of the piranha. Or... well, whatever. And you need to stop, before you do it again!

So, how do you break the cycle?

1. Acknowledge everything that makes this relationship unworkable. You may want to get a pen and paper. Got them? Okay, now sit down in a comfortable location, and don't get up again until you've listed all the reasons why your relationship didn't (and doesn't) work. There's probably more than one thing that makes you incompatible, so make sure to list everything, from "he doesn't make time for me" to "our values are completely different" to "his entire body is covered with warts that bear an unfortunate resemblance to Richard Nixon." Leave nothing out.

2. Let yourself feel sad. If writing the aforementioned list doesn't make you feel miserable and scared, you're doing it wrong. People return again and again to an unhealthy relationship because being coupled and miserable seems more appealing than being alone. You keep going back to your ex because something about the prospect of singledom scares the crap out of you. So, acknowledging the truth—via a list of all the reasons that you and this guy aren't good for each other—should be a real jolt. It's the emotional equivalent of stepping out of your house, locking the door behind you, and pitching your keys into the river.

3. Resist the urge to run back. Keep that list, lady. And when you find yourself thinking, "What if?", read it. Those are the facts, and everything you've written points to a serious incompatibility that will not resolve itself. Not even if you vow to work harder, or if he promises to change, or if you just give it one more try. Once you're over the misery of right now, you'll probably start wondering whether you might be able to work things out. This is when you'll need to remember, realistically, exactly how horrible you felt when you wrote me this letter—and that you don't want to feel that way ever again.

4. Enjoy the single life. This entire exercise is moot if you don't find a way to get comfortable with who you are. Without doing that, you'll always look for ways not to hang out with you. (No, I swear that sentence makes sense. Try reading it one more time.) So, pursue things that interest you, surround yourself with friends who make you feel loved, and indulge freely in whatever makes you happy, whether it's an extracurricular, or a favorite class, or a collection of fine films featuring Taylor Lautner running around shirtless. Figure out what your passions are, and pursue them. If you're happily single, being unhappily coupled won't look like anything but a bad idea.

And if you feel yourself faltering, you can always spend an evening cuddling with your cat. He sounds like a sympathetic fellow.

Comments? Leave 'em below! Question for Auntie? Email her at advice@sparknotes.com.