In most cases, an argument with your parents will begin as a "discussion" during which you try to present your case in a reasonable manner. Then objections are raised, and before long, the discussion devolves into a screaming match.
To give yourself a fighting chance, you need to avoid a few common—and disastrous—sentences. Here are the most explosive phrases, along with parent-friendly alternatives:
"This is so unfair!"
Why it won't work: Yes, life—and this situation in particular, whether it's wanting to go on a date alone or buy a new pair of jeans—isn't fair. Your parents are well aware of this fact. In all likelihood, they've suffered from life's unfairness on plenty of occasions (just ask them about their credit card statements, ugh). When you point out an obvious truth (that they are being unfair), you sound clueless and whiny.
What to say instead: So your parents have decided that your room must be cleaned before you go to the movies with your friends, even though tidying your room at this very moment will take so long that you won't be able to make the 7:30 show. Instead of pointing out the lack of fairness, turn the tables by completely agreeing with them. Say something like "I know, my room is so gross. It's been driving me nuts all week and is on my to-do list for tomorrow morning." If you sound responsible and present a plan, they might give you a pass on your duties for the evening.
"You don't understand"/"You have no idea"
Why it won't work: Without the belief—nay, the certainty!—that they know more than you, your parents would surely shrivel up into the California Raisins. Telling them that they don't know or understand the situation turns on their "self protect" mechanism; they will inevitably respond by telling you that they do understand and that you are wrong and they are right. End of discussion.
What to say instead: It's always important to make your parents feel that you respect their position in an argument. Let's say you're fighting about the computer. Your parents want you to turn off the computer so you'll stop watching cat videos and do your homework. Instead of blurting out, "You don't understand!," say, "I know I spend a lot of time goofing around online, but tonight I just plan on accessing the library so I can research my English paper." Make them feel like usually they'd be right, and then gently explain why this situation is different. And make sure to close out of Facebook any time they are within 20 feet of you.
"Everyone else's parents said yes!"
Why it won't work: It seems completely logical: If other parents are allowing their kids to do something, that should reassure your parents that they, too, should say yes to whatever it is you're requesting. But your parents like to pride themselves on their independent nature and ability to withstand pressure (maybe they're just "free spirits"). Pointing out that they'll be following a trend will only bring out their antiestablishment tendencies.
What to say instead: Modify your original tactic. Identify one parent from the "yes" group whom you know your parents respect, and present that parent as the voice of reason. If your parents are hesitant to let you go on a ski trip or attend a party, hit them with, "You know Sarah's mom? You remember, she's the one you talked to last week when you picked me up at the football game. She wasn't sure about this either and said you guys should talk about it. Here's her number." They'll call Sarah's parent, who has already said yes, and (hopefully) will also agree to say yes, believing that they have made their decision after careful, "independent" analysis. (One caution: In the unlikely but possible event that your parents convince Sarah's parents to retract their permission, you may end up owing Sarah big time.)
"You never let me do anything"/"You always say no"
Why it won't work: Remember that test-taking rule about eliminating solutions with "always" or "never" in the answer? Yeah, the same goes for your parents. They will surely be able to come up with at least one instance when they did let you hang out with your friends on a school night (even if it was to study) or when they did say yes (even to a school-sponsored field trip). Always/Never are argument killers.
What to say instead: Anything else. Really. What you say will depend on the situation, but try any of the above approaches and leave "always/never" to those boring customer service surveys.
Do you argue with your parents a lot? Do you ever convince them you're right? How do you triumph in the battle?
Related Post: What Your Curfew Says About Your Parents
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