5 Things More Dangerous than Laptops in the Classroom

Have you seen this video? For the first minute or so, we thought: Neat. He’s doing science! But the clip ends with the nutty, angry professor yelling that laptops are forbidden in his classroom. And then there's this guy, who really flies off the handle. (By the way, what does that mean? Who flies off handles? And if you do fly off a handle, you shouldn’t be angry. You should be happy. You’re flying!)

If you brought a pogo stick to class, we would understand the professor’s wrath (unless you were attending pogo school, in which case, you’re sooooo lucky…and probably tired and sore). But laptops are tools, just like pencils, paper, and notebooks. Sure, they can be misused, just as you can misuse pens by doodling with them. But they also offer many benefits. They let you take fast, tidy notes, they help keep you organized, and in higher level math and science classes, they allow you to handle complex mathy things.

In fact, we can think of a billion things worse than laptops that a student can bring into the classroom. Such as:

1. Snot
A sniffing student is far more distracting than a student who is quietly typing away on a laptop. All mucus should be banned from school to help kids concentrate.

2. Sex appeal
It’s impossible to learn facts when in the vicinity of someone hot. If you are attractive, stay home.

3. Cell phone
No, we’re not putting this on the list because your mean principal asked us to. If you are secretly texting during class, it can be fun. But it’s also catching the eye of every other student around you. It’s annoying. Put the phone down. If Vanessa needs to tell you about Rolando, she can do so after class. Whoa…we just became parental. Sorry about that. It won’t happen again. And if you go outside, wear a sweater.

4. Tuba
Because if you bring a tuba into the classroom, everyone will stare and wonder, “Is he going to play the tuba? When will he play the tuba? Will it be loud? Will we all get a turn? I bet I’m good at tuba-ing.” Nothing will get done.

5. Odor
It doesn’t need to be a bad odor, such as armpit stank. Any strong smell can be off-putting in the confines of a classroom, even if it’s the usually delightful scent of pancakes mixed with Christmas trees and popcorn. Odors of any kind should be outlawed in school.

We could go on and on about things students can bring to classrooms that are worse than a laptop. But we’re tired. And we like to see you do our work instead. (We’ll pay you in cyber-pancakes, which are just like regular pancakes except you eat them with your mind.) What items do students bring into classrooms that are more annoying and distracting than laptops?

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