FIRST!!!!!!

By Kia Wood

February 19, 2010

Before we start, we just want to say… FIRST!!!! **violent and emphatic fist pumping**

Today, we get to the bottom of "FIRST!" (AKA "BAM"). We understand why first is awesome—because duh, it means you're a trailblazer. First goes where no man has ever gone before, first rules where everyone else drools, first rolls with the big dogs while everyone else stays on the porch. The fact of the matter is, like winners, only one person can be first. But this got us thinking—why limit the first competition to just the comments section? Why not aspire to the be the first person to...

1. ...flush the toilet in a school bathroom.
2. ...yell “Kelly Clarkson” during your teacher’s lecture.
3. ...make a “Kiss Me I’m First” T-shirt.
4. ...answer your teacher’s question with a question.
5. ...create a fanpage for Miley Cyrus (at least in the SparkLife universe).
6. ...go to a concert every day of the week.
7. ...wear your underwear outside your clothes.
8. ...send a creepy love letter to Dan Bergstein.
9. ...glue your iPhone to your iPad, making an iPhad.
10. ...open a can a whoop a$$ and see what comes out.
11. ...figure out where in the world is Carmen San Diego.
12. ...interrupt Kanye West at an awards show.
13. ...find the end of the song that never ends.
14. ...run for Homecoming Court Jester.
15. ...use the force for evil and not good.
16. ...reinvent the wheel.
17. ...find out who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
18. ...yell “Uno!”
19. ...discover what the hokey pokey is all about.
20. ...type “THIRTY-EIGHTH!”