Auntie SparkNotes: Hell-Threats and Toxic Friends

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

My friend is a religious psychomaniac jerk. She is unable to accept my religion, and ever since she learned it she has been dropping hints about how her religion can save me, and I need to love Jesus and whatnot. Obviously Christianity is a beautiful religion, but I am NOT interested, and I have told her this, many many times. I love my religion and I have no intention of converting, but she won't move past it.

She told me a coincidental story in which a girl of my nationality (another recurring problem) converted to Christianity. Whats worse, she told me this, in these exact words; "No offense, but if you don't get saved and accept Jesus into your heart, you'll go to hell for eternity, which is a lot longer than everyone thinks. You and your family too." That's when I lost it, completely. Telling me that my family, who she knows mean the world to me, is going to go to hell just because of our religion pushed me over the edge. I ended up standing up and shouting at her in front of my entire Social Studies class, in front of my favorite teacher who I respected, and has always been there to listen to whatever I had to say. When he told me to calm down, I turned around and screamed at him to shut up and let me finish. (Please let say how ashamed I was that I had lost control like that, but that it had been going on for months and all my suppressed anger has come out.)

I haven't talked to her for two weeks. She has sent a total of 143 text messages, has called my cell phone 52 times, and we had to unplug the home phone because it was ringing so much. All of my other friends, who are of all different religions and backgrounds, agree that I should not forgive this and move on with my life. And in a way, they may be right. I have had other friends who I have known for just as long and they have never treated me, my religion, and my nationality with anything less than respect. But, in spite of everything, I wonder if all the texts and calls mean that she's truly sorry or if she's scared she's lost a convert. What should I do?

Put her in a burlap sack filled with fire ants, staple it closed, and ship it directly to the South Pole?

Oh wait, you mean, what should you do within reason. Well, all right, then.

Honestly, the answer to this question strikes me as screamingly obvious. It doesn't sound like this was much of a friendship to begin with, and despite my best efforts, I can see no logical reason for you to remain on speaking terms with this girl. She sounds like (among other things) an intolerant, ignorant, racist jerkwad with absolutely no concept of appropriate boundaries. Of course, if you feel that you desperately need one of those in your life, by all means continue to hang out with her. And while you're at it, perhaps you would like to beat yourself in the face with this two-by-four!

But really, leaving aside the fact that you're thinking "reconciliation" where most people would be thinking "restraining order" (143 text messages? Seriously?!), please ask yourself what you hope to gain by continuing this friendship. It's one thing to try to find common ground despite your religious differences; misguided and intolerant as your friend's views may be, she's probably been taught—and genuinely believes—that everyone who doesn't subscribe to her particular branch of Christianity is going to hell. But, um, she's also a RACIST.

If you really feel that there's something worth salvaging here, you can certainly try to pull it off. But I must insist that you respond to any intolerant comments or further attempts to convert you with, "Hey, how 'bout those Yankees?" (And that, if your proselytizing pal keeps at it, you respond with an immediate exit from the conversation. And also the room.) But maintaining a relationship like this takes a huge amount of work, an infinite supply of patience, and a real belief that there are other parts of the friendship that make it worth all the horse-hockey. So, be honest with yourself: Are you genuinely interested in a friendship with this girl? Or are you just uncomfortable with the idea of having a non-friend? And if it's the latter, rather than giving in to the urge to make nice with everyone, give yourself permission to not be friends with someone who treats you like crap. Toxic people are a part of life, and that's a shame.

You know what's great? Not being required to hang out with them.

Got something to say? Comments! Got a question for Auntie? Email her at advice@sparknotes.com.