Here at SparkNotes, we pride ourselves on providing comprehensive advice for all your dating dilemmas. Need a guide to Valentine's Day? We're on it! Don't know how to flirt? We'll tell you! And now, with spring just around the corner, we've tapped Auntie SparkNotes for a guide to help you dance, prance, and romance your way through the most important event of the year: THE PROM. —SparkNotes editors
Of all the events that occur during high school, the prom is undeniably among the most important—not because of the dinner and dance itself, but because in the weeks preceding it, the pressure to find a date will cause many of your classmates to morph from affable and down-to-earth teenagers into a frothing, shrieking Mob of Lunacy. Only instead of torches and pitchforks, they'll be wielding corsages and tiaras.
Scary? You bet it is. So to make things easier, I'm here to give you some pointers on the Fine Art of Obtaining a Prom Date Without Going Balls-Out Cray-Cray. Today's topic: Selecting your target.
If Auntie SparkNotes had her way, the process of selecting a prom date would be a somewhat friendlier version of the "which one is the holy cup" scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: You'd look at a lineup of potential dates, you'd hem and haw for awhile, you'd then pick whichever one looked best, and the whole experience would be emceed by a ghostly Knight Templar who would gravely intone, "You chose... POORLY" in the event that you selected the wrong date. (Note: In this version, choosing poorly would result in a do-over, rather than a face-melting screaming death.)
Sadly, choosing your prom date is not nearly so cut-and-dried. (Although if you choose poorly enough, you may find yourself wishing for a face-melting screaming death in lieu of having to endure another dance with Barry McToeCruncher or Sweatypits Callahan.) And even if you have a plethora of potential askees, too many options can lead you to waffle indecisively over which one is best while several excellent dates are snatched up by more aggressive suitors. So take this moment, right now, to view our handy list of potential date types—complete with pros and cons—and figure out which of these people you'd like to ask:
Date Option 1: Your significant other.
If you have a serious boyfriend/girlfriend, this person is your obvious (and probably only) date option for the prom and I am not sure why you are even reading this. (Alternately, if this person is NOT your obvious/only date option, I am not sure why you are dating in the first place.)
Pro: A guaranteed shoulder to lean on (or butt to surreptitiously grab) during the slow dances.
Con: Fighting, fuming, and weeping in the bathroom when you catch your beloved ogling one of the other attractively-clad promgoers.
Date Option 2: The stranger crush.
You've never spoken, but he'd look great in a tux! If you've got a stranger crush—and you're pretty sure that he's interested, too—going to prom together could be a fun way of getting to know each other. BUT. Before you ask your stranger crush to the biggest event of the year, make sure you have at least one conversation to make sure you actually, y'know, like each other. First dates can be awkward, nervewracking and, occasionally, explosively bad. Add a ballgown and the fact that you have to meet each other's parents, and there's potential for disaster in the air.
Pro: A fun first date in which the decisions on where to go, what to do, and where to eat are all made for you.
Con: Hours spent feigning illness in the bathroom when it turns out that the list of things you didn't know about your date includes "chews with his mouth open," "doesn't wear deodorant," and "repeatedly asks the DJ to play 'Behind Closed Doors' without a hint of irony."
Date Option 3: The non-stranger crush.
If you want to kick things up a notch with that casual acquaintance with whom you've been flirting all year, prom offers a perfect chance to do it. Asking her to go with you is an excellent way of saying "I like you" without actually saying "I like you," and the fun of planning your evening will help you get closer in the weeks leading up to prom.
Pro: Getting all next-level-of-love with your longtime likee; easy segue from slow dancing to making out behind a potted plant.
Con: Finding out mid-dinner that your date has a long-distance boyfriend she conveniently forgot to mention.
Date Option 4: The strictly-platonic pal.
If you'd prefer not to muck up your fun with the messy business of romance, but you'd still like a date, it's time to turn to your friend-with-a-capital-F—a person who will look good in your photos, be polite to your parents, and provide you with an enjoyable evening free of drama.
Pro: Laughing conspiratorially at all the arguing couples and parking lot PDA.
Con: Realizing that your strictly-platonic pal has not-so-strictly-platonic feelings when he presents you with an embarrassingly large corsage; running to the bathroom every time the opening bars of a slow song come on in order to avoid too-close dancing.
Date Option 5: Multi-date mayhem.
If you couldn't care less about the coupled-up conventions of prom-going, you might want to make it a group thing—a dozen friends, in any combination of genders, decked out in full finery and having a lovely time in a big-ass limo.
Pro: Photo opps of every imaginable combination; no shortage of conversation/dancing partners; guaranteed good time.
Con: Unbound by the conventions of politeness that govern traditional prom-dating, some group members may fart in your limousine.
Deciding which of these Date Options you prefer depends on what you'd like to get out of your prom experience, be it friendly fun, rollicking romance, or some combination of the two. So read carefully, think hard, and then come back tomorrow for Part Two: The Ask!
Who are you planning to ask to the prom/praying will ask you to the prom?
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