Bullies: An Anthropological Survey

On TV and in movies, bullies are often depicted in the same way: as big, muscle-bound goons with limited vocabularies who push around people much smaller than themselves. While these archetypal thugs certainly exist, bullies, like us non-bully types, come in all shapes and sizes, and use a variety of tactics. We've done an extensive, anthropological survey of high school's many bully species, and have identified five distinct types. We now present our findings, for your education and safety:

The Elephant
What it looks like: At first glance, the Elephant bully seems to fit the stereotype: big, brawny, and seriously intimidating. Logging tons of hours at the school gym has given the Elephant plenty of muscle mass. But while the Elephant likes to talk a big game, when it comes down to it, just the smallest squeak will frighten him.

How to defeat it: Even the wimpiest freshman can get this bully to back down with some loud, well-placed SAT words. "Oh, you want to push me around? Well guess what, I'm not nearly as ineffectual as you think. In fact, I'm quite a formidable and tenacious opponent. Don't be fooled by my placid façade." However, if the Elephant doesn't back down and you feel seriously threatened, don't suffer in silence: Report the jerk.

Digital Demon
What it looks like: The Digital Demon is basically a bunch of pixels (or 0s and 1s, if you want to get technical about it). This 21st-century terror prefers picking on people via the webs to harassing them in real life. The Digital Demon particularly likes to hound her prey on social sites like Facebook, where she can display her tormenting for all to see—except, of course, those who might punish this bad behavior: school authorities.

How to defeat it: Ignore, ignore, ignore. The Digital Demon won't bother you in person, because she doesn't want to deal with the consequences. Instead, she'll harass you only from a safe distance. And like all bullies, the Digital Demon picks on others to get a reaction. As long as the bullying doesn't become threatening or dangerous, you're better off not responding to all those ridiculous accusations posted on your wall. (After all, who's really going to believe that you have zits on your big toes?) Block the bully, limit the info she can access, or simply delete her messages. And keep your password safe, so no one else can access your account and create havoc from inside. Eventually the Digital Demon will get bored and move on. In the meantime, groups like Stop Cyberbulling recommend that you step away from the computer, skip signing on, and chat with your friends via IM or on the phone. If the bullying does become threatening or vicious, call in a parent or teacher.

The Incognito
What it looks like: No one would suspect this person is actually a bully. To everyone else (especially adults), the Ignoito seems like a sweet, innocent high school kid who does well in class, participates in tons of extracurriculars, and even helps old ladies across the street. But when no one's looking, this bully's dark side comes out. He teases, torments, and is generally vicious.

How to defeat it: This bully makes you feel like you're going crazy, because any time you mention how mean he is, people scoff at your accusations. Instead of trying to convince everyone, just show them. Lure the dark side out of your bully when everyone's watching. When you're at a school function—athletic event, school dance, whatever—slyly prod the Incognito with a well-placed zinger or two. Eventually, you'll break through the Incognito's facade and he'll reveal himself to all. If this is too bold of an approach, or you fear this will only exacerbate the situation, confide in a trusted friend—or even better, a teacher who will believe you—so someone else can keep an eye on your bully.

The Reverse Incognito
What it looks like: This bully has a reputation for being mean, and she wants to keep it. So when you're around other people, the Reverse Incognito acts like a typical bully, pointing out your flaws, picking on your weaknesses, and laughing at your expense. But you know the truth: The bullying is all an act the Reverse Incognito uses to feel powerful. When no one else is looking, this bully talks to you and tries to make nice. She may even try to forge a real friendship.

How to defeat it: If you're feeling saintly, kill the Reverse Incognito with kindness. This bully probably needs a friend, and if you can be that friend, she may ease up on the public displays of abuse. If you're not feeling saintly, say, "I'm so sorry you feel the need to make yourself feel better by picking on people. You must have really low self-esteem. I hear therapy can help with that."

The Runt
What it looks like: This bully probably spent most of his early school days being picked on by bigger kids. So now, to get revenge, the Runt uses sarcasm and mean-spirited verbal attacks against anyone in close range.

How to defeat it: Like the Reverse Incognito, this bully feels vulnerable when not on the offensive. The best way to defeat the Runt is to roll with the punches. When he pokes fun at your expense, instead of getting upset and denying the accusation, laugh with everyone else and tell the Runt how hilarious he is. He can't get much satisfaction when his target isn't knocked down. If the Runt's jabs start to really bother you, and you begin to feel bad about yourself, make sure you talk to someone who can help rebuild your self-confidence (a parent, counselor, or teacher) and keep tabs on what's going on.

Have you ever been bullied? What was your tactic for survival?

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