Auntie SparkNotes: Bad Touch

Hi Auntie Sparknotes,
I was wondering, where's the line between friendship and love? I have a new friend who's a guy and I shared an armchair with him. I'm not thinking about dating him or anything, so should I be leaving more of a physical distance between us? Your flirting guide said that physical contact was a way to flirt with a friend, does that mean all physical contact will send that kind of message?

YES. And that is why Auntie SparkNotes must insist that all your opposite-sex friendships be conducted from a safe distance of 300 feet or more, with both parties either handcuffed, duct taped, or encased in a combination of cardboard and bubble wrap in order to avoid ANY physical contact which may be mistakenly viewed as flirtatious. You can't be too careful!

...Sorry, Sparklers--I just wanted to see that one gullible kid go running off to wrap his entire body in bubble wrap. There's always one. Hey, buddy? Buddy! It's okay! Come back, I was just kidding! Hey! Oh my God, no, wait, don't put duct tape on your--

Nevermind.

Here's the real truth about physical contact: Physical contact sends a flirty message, unless you don't mean it that way, in which case it doesn't, unless the recipient of the contact interprets it as flirty, in which case it does, and even if toucher and touchee are both in agreement that no flirting is going on, a third-party observer may witness the physical contact and interpret it as flirty, and in case you were wondering, this is why we don't include "physical contact" as the only way to flirt with people. There's too much room for misinterpretation, and one instance of contact can send a range of messages. When you sit down in the same chair as someone else, for instance, it can send any one of the following messages:

a) I want to make out with you.
b) I want someone to comfort me.
c) I enjoy platonic lap-sitting.
d) Get the hell out of my chair.

That does mean, however, that you don't have to worry about what message you're sending by sharing an armchair with your friend. Your non-interest probably comes through in the nature of the physical contact itself--though of course, I don't know whether you're talking about sharing an armchair and also cuddling and/or hand-holding, vs. sharing an armchair because one of you ran up, shouted, "Move over, thundernuggets!," and plopped down in the available space. Things like your topics of conversation, your tone of voice, the way you look at him, etc, will all do their part to convey a Strictly Platonic message. There's more to interacting than contact--think about how often people touch you in daily life, devoid of any flirty agenda. Your parents probably hug you a lot, but presumably they aren't doing it because they want to date you.

The only time you need to worry about your physical contact is when someone makes it clear that they've taken it the wrong way--and then, it's your responsibility to either clear things up via conversation or just back off on the touching, depending on how far along the misunderstanding has gotten. Otherwise, just trust your gut, pay attention to your friends' feelings, and share armchairs with whomever you like.

Got something to say? Got an armchair to share? Leave your comments below, and to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.