Two girl Sparklers responded to Coffinmaker's recent post "7 Things Guys Don't Want to Hear on a First Date" with their own versions. We recently ran Hali_10's post, and today we've got a really super funny one by sleepdeprived101. Enjoy! —SparkNotes editors
First dates are fun; I love 'em. It’s all about first impressions, flirting, and the occasional make-out session during that weird sci-fi movie you agreed to watch. But the conversation gets a tad awkward after your date’s tongue ring gets stuck in those sexy braces you’re sporting. Just as fellow Sparkler Coffinmaker (depressing name there) addressed the concerns guys have about girls, there are a few things guys should keep to themselves as well. Here's my Top 7:
1) “You remind me of my mother…”
Unless your mother happens to be Angelina Jolie (-Pitt), don't mention this. In general, people of the female species DO NOT want to be compared to your Christmas-sweater-wearing, casserole-making mommy. Though I'm sure your momma is a dandy bucket of sunshine, I'd bet my 2007 Halloween candy that your date DID NOT spend three hours curling her eyelashes with that death wand so she could hear you compare her to a middle-aged accountant.
2) “Wow, you have a healthy appetite.”
In case you wondering, girls eat. And though once in a while they act like weird, freaky, confusing aliens, I promise you that they’re human. They like that lumberjack breakfast with extra bacon as much as you do. Maybe even more then you do. Don’t freak out when your date reaches for your pancakes too--it’s a sign that she’s comfortable with her monster-breakfast-eating self.
3) “Your pimple is awfully large there.”
SHE KNOWS. And she put 20 lbs of makeup on it, so please just try not to stare.
4) “Are you completely obsessed with the Twilight series, too?”
SHE IS. So unless you want this date to end with her listing all the ways you’re not as awesome as Edward Cullen or Jacob Black *drool* I wouldn’t touch this subject. Stick to school, sports, and friends. The Twilight Discussion is just about as fatal as the “I am a compulsive cheater” discussion. Both will end in a disappointing earful.
5) “Are thongs comfortable?”
Does this one even need an explanation? Your date will throw her popcorn in your face and report you to The Inappropriate Committee. (From which point, you will be put on the “Do Not Call List,” accessible to all females you'd ever think about bringing home to your casserole-making mother.)
6) “Are we going to make out after this?”
Not after you just asked that question, you very-good-looking-but-suddenly-much-too-horny-and-perverted date of mine.
7) “I can do more push-ups then you.”
I beg to differ. This will end almost as unfortunately as your Twilight conversation. You’ll walk home in despair; a girl just did 70 more one-handed push-ups than you did… in heels.
Have you ever had one of these convos on a first date? How did it end?
Related Post: 7 Things Girls Don't Want to Hear on a First Date