Your Brain on a 10-Minute Mile

Minute 1

I hate gym. I hate 10-minute miles.

Did he say go? I thought he was going to whistle.

Well, everybody's running. I guess I'll start running.

This isn't half bad, actually. I'm a lot faster than I thought. It's nice to stretch the old legs. It's probably been a minute already. This is gonna fly by.

Minute 2

That guy Jake is such a show off. Look at him, sprinting. He's gonna totally burn out. I'll just pace myself. Slow and steady wins the race, or something.

OUCH! Sweat in the eye. Disgusting.

Minute 3

How come the only people behind me are the big-boned people? And where did Greta go?

Oh, right, the bleachers. How come she always gets away with skipping? Not fair.

Minute 4

OMG, Jake just lapped me. I fail at gym slash life.

Minute 5

Did Mr. Jenkins just say five minutes? Like halfway? That is so not right. This can't even be healthy. Were homo sapiens designed to run long distances? I don't think that's been proven. And frankly, until it's proven, there's really no point in doing something potentially damaging...

WHAT?! Jake just lapped me again. I can't believe it. Is he, like, a robot?

Minute 6

I hate this field. I hate gym class. But most of all, I hate Mr. Jenkins. You... wicked... horrible... potbellied... man.

I mean, seriously, how come my shirt is drenched, my face is flushed, my lungs are about to collapse, and you, Mr. Jenkins, just stand there? I'd like to see you run a 10-minute mile, or even a 100-yard dash to the nearest Arby's, Mr.-I'm-The-Boss-Because-I-Have-An-Associate's-Degree-In-Health-Science-And-A-Cheapo-Dick's-Sporting-Goods-Whistle.

Minute 7

Okay, this is absurd: We're running in circles.

There's no finish line.

We're not even running toward anything.

What is the point of this?

Minute 8

I am going to eat three cheeseburgers and a pound of French fries. I swear. I will relish every sweet, delicious calorie. I will drink Gatorade until my veins explode. Come to me, sweet electrolytes! Fill me with your kiwi-flavored goodness!

Minute 9

Must. Finish. Final. Minute. Pride. Won't. Let me. Stop. Even though. Class. Is Pass-Fail.

Minute 10

THANK YOU! OH, DEAR LORD, THANK YOU! I need... to lie... in the grass...

Maybe next week I can catch a cold or something.

What the—?

Is Jake still running?

I never liked that guy.

Do you struggle with the 10-minute mile?

Related Post: Gym Class Survival Guide