The Four Types of Foreign Language Teachers

Whether you're learning to say "bonjour," perfecting your Spanish r rolls, or spitting on classmates in an attempt to properly inflect your German, foreign languages are an integral part of the high school experience. But when it comes to those who teach them, not all profs are created equal...or normal. Have you ever encountered one of these teacher types?

The Native Squeaker
Usually found teaching Spanish, the Native Squeaker is incredibly enthusiastic about her job... and to show it, she delivers all her lessons with high-pitched, extravagant, alarming gusto. The elevated lilt of the Native Squeaker's excited chirp certainly holds your attention, but beware: when you travel to a country where they speak your learned language, the over-excited inflection you learned in class will have everyone wondering why you're so riled up over questions like, "How many cats do you have?" and "Where is the bathroom?"

The One-Way Street
This fresh-from-overseas teacher has one unbreakable rule: Absolutely no English in his classroom. Students who flout this rule are chastised, punished, or ignored completely; those who embrace it find themselves becoming fluent by necessity. The One-Way Street's rule is a highly effective learning technique, but many years later, you will begin to suspect that he insisted on it because he didn't speak English at all.

The Expatriarch
Old, cranky, and hailing from a culture with less-than-progressive attitudes toward women, the Expatriarch is an unrepentant sexist who will shamelessly ignore the work of the girls in his class. He will eventually be fired for trying to implement a classroom-specific dress code requiring that all female students wear skirts.

The Complete Mystery
So-called because nobody can understand how he managed it, the Complete Mystery is inexplicably employed as a foreign language teacher despite being totally unable to speak the language in question. Savvy students realize early on that something isn't right and drop the class immediately; the not-so-lucky ones figure it out too late and spend the rest of the year praying that a foreign exchange student will show up and expose the scandal.

¿Qué tipo de profesor tienes?

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