Pants on the Ground...In Space

Unless you live under a rock (and even then, it would have to be a really, really big rock) you've heard about Pants on the Ground, the original song by 62 year-old American Idol hopeful Larry Platt, which quickly became January's biggest viral video hit. Over the past few weeks, Pants on the Ground has been professionally remixed, received coverage in major media outlets, and even made a cameo in the locker room of the Minnesota Vikings after their win over the Cowboys earlier this month. (Although considering that neither the song's creator nor the Vikings ended up advancing to the final round of their respective competitions, we don't recommend using it in place of your usual go-fight-win cheers.)

Of course, as we move into February, Pants on the Ground will meet the fate of every other viral phenomenon, fading from the public consciousness and eventually being replaced by the next big thing. But just because you're not seeing it on YouTube anymore, that doesn't mean it's gone! In fact, once a viral hit disappears from its place of origin, it goes rogue, cropping up in hundreds of unlikely places and eventually leaving the planet completely as it follows the Viral Timeline of Doom. So, what's in store for Pants on the Ground?

Glad you asked.

January 20, 2010: T minus zero.
At the height of its popularity, Pants on the Ground (PotG) becomes a smash internet hit. Song's creator appears on Good Morning America. Impromptu renditions of PotG break out in offices, schools, and public events country-wide.

T plus 2 weeks:
PotG reaches saturation point. During a game of Truth or Dare, someone starts singing the chorus and is greeted with weary laughter and requests to shut up.

T plus 4 weeks:
PotG is discovered by a few remaining social nitwits, three kids who have been grounded since the new year, and your parents. Any attempts to sing the song are greeted with groans and boos.

T plus 5 weeks:
PotG enjoys a brief bounceback after Will Ferrell, Cameron Diaz, and Elmo from Sesame Street appear in a video spoof of the song entitled “Plants on the Mound.”

T plus 7 weeks:
While attempting to solve a complex logarithmic equation, a mathematician in Boston briefly finds himself muttering, “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground” under his breath. The incident goes unrecorded and is immediately forgotten when the mathematician received a call from his wife, who wants to know whether he wants leftovers or Chinese for dinner.

T plus 10 weeks:
An underground French hip hop group performs its new work, "Pantalons au Fond," in an empty warehouse on the outskirts of Dijon.

T plus 3 months:
In a research facility on the surface of the Pacific Ocean, scientists record a pod of humpback whales singing Pants on the Ground. One scientist attempts to alert the media and is informed that PotG is no longer news. The recording is later lost at sea.

T plus 6 months:
PotG and its remixes are quietly removed from YouTube. The oldest person to have memorized all the words to Pants on the Ground dies in a nursing home in Charleston.

T plus one year:
Reports circulate that a group of militia men in the mountains of Peru have been singing Pants on the Ground during their attacks on local villages.

T plus 5 years:
Hollywood producers begin casting for “Pants on the Ground: A Story of Hope, Hunger, and Low-Hanging Dreams.” Samuel L. Jackson signs on as the lead, but reneges on the project when budget constraints halt the production indefinitely.

T plus 10 years:
The E! Channel includes “General” Larry Platt in its 2020 edition of “American Idol: Where Are They Now?”

T plus 20 years:
On the planet Fgrxiii, a life form named Bob picks up a faint transmission of “Pants on the Ground” and circulates it within his community. A unanimous vote is cast to locate the originator of the song and elect him prime minister.

T plus 20 years and one day:
Larry Platt is abducted by aliens from his home in Georgia. Nobody notices.

Are you lookin' like a fool?

Related post: Happy 40th, Sesame Street!