Auntie SparkNotes: Crush, the Aftermath

It's a two-fer! Today, we've got a pair of letters about how to handle a non-starting crush.

Dear Auntie SparkNotes,
Last year was my freshman year at my high school, and I met a really nice senior – let's call him Jim. We talked and spent a lot of time together before he graduated, and then during the summer, my big brother (who had seen Jim and I together a lot) said that it was completely obvious that Jim liked me. I talked to my best friends about it and they said it was obvious too. That's not the problem though.

After I made that discovery, I tried talking to him more, but he pretty much stopped replying to my texts and he never sends me any messages on facebook (which we used to do all the time). He goes to college about a half hour from our very small hometown, but he never comes home and never comes back to see me, like he always said he was going to.

Any advice?

Here at the secret underground lair of Auntie SparkNotes, we spend a lot of time talking about the little things. A long look here, a casual touch there, a pointed question about your weekend plans or romantic life—little things that, together, send a subtle message that your crush returns your feelings.

Unfortunately, this is not one of those times.

If Jim has stopped contacting you, doesn't respond to your texts, and never comes back to visit you, he's sending you a very clear message about his interest...or lack thereof. It might have been completely obvious that he liked you last year, but now, it's pretty obvious that he's decided to focus his attention and energy on college.

I'm sorry; I know that's bad news. The good news is, you shouldn't take it personally. Crushes aren't meant to last forever, especially not when one half of the crush has left town and moved into adulthood. But you should take the message he's sending to heart and stop chasing him, for the sake of your dignity. Continuing to contact him when he's not responding will only make you miserable.

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
It's been over a year now since I confessed that I liked my former crush. We used to be really good friends, and I'm childhood friends with the guy. After I confessed, however, he tries to ignore me whenever he can. In the halls, he doesn't say hi to, or even look at me. In friend group conversations, he doesn't talk to me. When I actually try to rebuild our friendship by starting small talk, or even if I just ask for a pen/piece of paper, he ignores me. What hurts me is not the supposed rejection, but the fact that that one statement ruined our friendship. I know it's a powerful statement, but I just can't believe that he would just ignore me like that. I want to rebuild our friendship, but I'm at a loss now, since he doesn't respond to anything I say to him unless completely necessary. I don't know what to do; all I want is for us to be friends again, even if it will be awkward. ...Help?

Oh for the love of...well, if the passage of time alone wasn't enough to let your feelings for this guy evaporate, his dumb-assed way of dealing with your confession should have killed them good and dead. Confessing to a crush means risking a certain amount of awkwardness, but this is ridiculous.

Auntie has to admit to being slightly baffled that you'd even want to rebuild your friendship with this guy, who sounds like he's got about as much personality as a cabbage. But if you're determined to re-friend him, then forget about trying to initiate small talk. Now is not the time for subtlety, and since you've known each other so long, tiptoeing around the elephant in the room will only make things more awkward.

So, clear the air. Get him in private—even if you have to corner him—put on your best exasperated face, and say, “Hey, could we please act normal to each other again, already? This is freaking ridiculous. It's been more than a year and I got over the whole crush thing a really, really long time ago. So unless there's some reason you don't want to be friends, you can stop treating me like I've got the ebola virus.”

Hopefully, he'll wake up to how doink-ish he's been acting and you'll be able to pick up your friendship where you left off, more or less. But if not, you need to absolve yourself of responsibility. At this point, if things are awkward, it's because he's making them that way. And if that's how he's going to act, then it's better that you back away from this friendship anyway.

Got feedback for our letter-writers? Comments! Got a question for Auntie? Email! Send your letters to advice@sparknotes.com.