My Crush Is a Literary Character, Too (Except for Dan Bergstein)

...Annnnnd our series on unattainable crushes marches on—forever! Sparkler LuckyBee22's list of literary crushes are people she's slightly embarrassed to admit are her dream guys. Though they aren't hunky celebs, we have a feeling some of you miiiiiight be able to identify with her. —SparkNotes editors

As we know from previous posts, a lot of us have the unfortunate habit of falling for someone, erm...we have zero chance with. Whether it's a cartoon character or a dead guy, it's just never going to happen. I have to admit, it's really embarrassing to be caught mid daydream about playing a little tonsil hockey with one of these unusual crushes. Yeah, the whole friends-threatening-to-call-the-white-coats thing doesn't really help either. My top five crushes are a little untraditional, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Am I right?

1. Draco Malfoy: Oh man. He is my numero uno literary crush. He's blond, he's bad, and he's sexy as anything. Something about that Dark Mark tattoo just makes me want to remove his clothing even more. Yes, I know, he's the bad guy, and shouldn't I crush on someone more wholesome, like Harry? But I love Draco because he's everything Harry isn't. Harry runs whining to Dumbledore (he's still amazing, don't get me wrong) while Draco stands there, shirtless, long blond hair flowing in the wind. Oh yeah, with a jetpack. The kid is just a hottie all around.

2. Atticus Finch: This one is a tad creepy, I'll admit. In the book, he's old enough to be my father, he has kids, and he wears dorky glasses. Think about it, though: this man goes against what everyone else says is right. Being in high school, we all know that takes some serious bazoonkas. Which very few of us have. Plus I think his glasses add an "I'm SOOOO smart" feel to him. Intelligent guys are ALWAYS better to talk to.

3. Dan Bergstein: He isn't really a literary character. Just a really awesome blogger. According to his 100 question quiz, we're like long-lost twins. We'd be the cool kids (with freakishly small, girly wrists) who make goofy faces on rollercoasters.

4. Marius: This was my much-detested summer reading assignment. However, when I listened to the audio book, I wanted to marry Marius. The poor little guy just wants Cosette, who is a bit of a slut (runs in the family, apparently). She's all "Oh Marius I love you, but Jean Valjean who REALLY ISN'T MY DADDY needs me. So you are just gonna have to wait for me!" *Cue sappy Twilight-esque music and pause for gagging.* She always bugged me. Marry me, Marius. Or at least marry Eponine.

5. Fred Weasley: *SPOILER ALERT* I sobbed for about 4 hours when, in Deathly Hallows, Fred was killed. I always had a thing for the one Weasley twin. Not George. "Fred" just has a ring to it, and he was the more charismatic of the two. Plus he's taller, and if you're going to pine for an imaginary character, you might as well make him tall and red haired.

Who do you NOT crush on?

Related Posts: My Crush Is a Literary Character, My Crush Is Dead, My Crush Is a Cartoon, My Crush Is Way Older Than Me

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