10 Things to Do Instead of Doing Your Homework

As if you really needed a list:

1. Make a list of all the things you’d rather do than your homework. Send that list to SparkLife. Become a published freelance blogger. Use your popularity as a platform off which to launch your career as a widely renowned author. Move to New York. Secure an extravagant book deal. Win the Pulitzer Prize.

2. Eat. Then, eat more. Tell your parents you’re training to become a sumo wrestler.

3. Make moon boots. How? Who knows. We predict you’ll need at least 7 jumbo bags of marshmallows, 30 yards of duct tape, and an engineering degree from M.I.T. You can probably buy all of that online for less than 50 bucks.

4. Learn to surf. If you don’t live near water, do something equally dangerous, like training komodo dragons to eat breakfast burritos or becoming a licensed SAT instructor.

5. Do 50,000 sit-ups. Then admire your abs in the mirror. Or call an ambulance. Whichever seems easier.

6. Find a stopwatch and time yourself saying the alphabet. If you can do it in under 3 seconds, congratulations. What, you want a prize? That kind of talent is a reward in itself.

7. Obsessively stalk every single person on your Facebook friend list. Memorize insignificant details about them and casually bring these details up in conversation. Example:

You: “So, Jim, I’ve noticed that in 17 of 46 of your previous profile pictures, you’re wearing some variation of a polo shirt. Do you think that might be a subconscious manifestation of an underlying fear of wild black bears?”
Jim: “Whaaaaa?”
You: “I see. Very interesting. And when did you first realize you were terrified of Canadian wildlife?”

8. Wrap your entire body in Christmas lights. Then run through your neighborhood screaming, “THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!” You’re right, it doesn’t make sense. But at least you’re not doing your homework. You’re welcome.

9. Read the entire dictionary. Out loud. In a library. On a megaphone.

10. Call your grandparents and initiate an extensive conversation about any of the following: the internet, the Twilight book series, the “good ol’ days,” the underlying political message in the Jonas Brothers’ song “Love Bug,” or your desire to change your name to “Disco Steve the Dance Commander.” If possible, carry out this conversation on a phone with an impossibly bad connection.

What's the most ridiculous thing you would do to avoid homework?

Related Post: Better Ways to Procrastinate