My Crush Is Way Older Than Me

Our Sparkler-written series on unattainable crushes continues! This time, seohuiah shares her list of famous dudes who are just a teensy bit too old. (And by "teensy," we mean "illegal.") —SparkNotes editors

Like many teen girls, I crush on guys who are way older than me. Most are old enough to be my father, and some are even old enough to be my grandfather.

The Old Crush usually starts on summer vacation, when you're bored because all your friends are out of town, and you're stuck at home with a couple of your mom's DVDs. Out of intense listlessness, you grab a random DVD and watch it. You see this cute guy and within one minute you feel like you're in love with him. After the movie, you go online to find more information about this hot guy. You're shocked to find he's 20 years your senior.

No matter how hard you wish you were older, and no matter how many times you revolve around the earth (just like Superman, because, duh, you can fly), you can't add years to your age. It's devastating, isn't it? (ed note: Be careful what you wish for.)

Here's the list of guys that made me want to go from age 16 to age 36:

5. John Travolta

He was my first crush. I was about 4 years old when I saw his movie Face/Off. I watched it with my mom (she was crazy over Nicolas Cage then) and I was like, "Mom, who's that cute man?" I've loved him since then. He's got amazing eyes. I'll never get bored looking at those eyes...

4. Johnny Depp

He has appeared in numerous movies, and I must say he is a pretty good actor. I liked him when I first saw Corpse Bride. I love his sweet voice. I don't care if he is old enough to be my father. He’s just too cute.

3. Tom Cruise

Who doesn't love Tom Cruise? He is the hottest guy on Earth. I believe his best performance is in Mission: Impossible. He doesn’t even look his age at all!

2. Brad Pitt

I first saw him in the movie Interview with a Vampire, and he looked gorgeous. His eyes, his hair—gosh, there are so many good things about him. He doesn't look his age, either. I envy every actress who has been able to kiss him on the lips. Gosh, why didn't I pursue acting? Well, I can still drool over him.

And lastly, my number 1, Tom Wisdom

I first saw him in the movie The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants 2. He's got this sexy English accent and I fell in love with him right away. After the movie, I screamed, “I need to know this man!” So as usual, I went online and searched for his name and biography. I was thinking that he was only around 24; I was shocked to learn that he was 36!

“It’s okay. He’s only a few years older than my parents,” I said to myself.

...And then I began to envision how we'll meet: I am one of the audience members at a premiere of one of his movies. He walks down the red carpet, and from far away I notice a man aiming a gun at him. I jump over the barricade and run to him. I hear the gun fire, and I cover for him. I get shot and am dying in his arms (isn’t that sweet?). At this point, I tell him, "One more thing before I die. Will you please give me my first and last kiss?"

What a nice but sad way to meet your crush. Ha ha. How silly of me. Well, dreaming is for free, isn’t it?

Do you have an old crush? Who is it?

Related Posts: My Crush Is Dead, My Crush Is a Cartoon, My Crush Is a Literary Character, Take Your Fictional Love Public

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