Auntie SparkNotes: The Unkindest Cut

Hi Auntie Sparknotes,
I used to have a problem with self-injury. I was going through a rough period at the beginning of junior year and I used to cut myself on my shins and ankles. If you've ever read The Luckiest Girl in the World, the main character has the same problem. She calls the feeling "spacing out." Anyways, because I couldn't cut myself in class, I would pick at the scabs whenever I felt myself start to space out. As a result, I have these huge ugly scars on my legs. Some of them are like little valleys because I've been picking the scabs so much.

It's no problem most of the time because I can wear long pants and hide them. I even managed to hide them over the summer that way. However, my new gym teacher requires that we all wear shorts. We even have a swimming unit, so bathing suits are required. I am terrified and am practically wishing for someone to break my leg so I can skip gym. I know this is a bit extreme. No one knows about my problem. I've kept it a secret from my family and my closest friends because I just don't know how to explain the scars in a way that will keep them from blaming themselves. The last thing I want to do is have my gym class see my scars. I've tried Mederma, but it doesn't work that quickly. I don't own any make-up, so that's out. I don't want anyone to find out about this! Please help me! What do I do?

Well, this letter-writer certainly wins a gold medal for Emotional Throat-Punching.
Ow, my emotional throat.

But before we talk about covering up your scars, let's cover the obvious-but-necessary topic of how you got them.

You may not be going through a rough time anymore, but the fact that you coped by cutting is serious. And while it's possible to go through a self-harming period and then simply stop, you'll need to keep a careful eye on yourself, and how you deal with feelings of stress and unhappiness, for the foreseeable future. It worries me that you haven't confided in anyone—not because you need to confess to having hurt yourself, but because you need a source of emotional support you can turn to before you get so overwhelmed that you look to cutting as an outlet for your unhappiness.

So, while I'm going to suggest things you can do to cover or distract from your scars, there's something even more important that I want you to do: Find someone you trust, and then practice expressing your feelings, often and in words, to that person. No matter what's happening to you, you don't have to (and shouldn't) try to go through it alone. And if someone close to you sees and asks about your scars,there may come a time when you find that it's easier to tell the truth. Many, many people go through life with marks just like yours, and there's no shame in saying, “I went through a rough time a few years ago, and I used to hurt myself.”

Now, that said, you can also take the following steps to hide and/or deflect attention from your scars:

Ask for a policy change. You have a compelling reason to want to avoid exposing your legs, and your gym teacher might have simply failed to realize how uncomfortable the forced short-wearing could be for certain students. If he's a decent human being, he'll be willing to listen to your concerns – just approach him in private and says, “Would you be willing to relax the dress code to allow us to wear sweatpants as well? I have some highly visible scars on my legs, and I really want to keep them covered.” It can't hurt to try.

Fashion is your friend. If you have to wear shorts, a pair of retro knee- or shin-high athletic socks will look cute and cover the scarred areas on your legs without raising questions. Also, though you don't own makeup now, is there something keeping you from buying it and giving it a try? A waterproof cover-up in the same shade as your skin won't be hard to find at your local drugstore, and having some camouflage might give you peace of mind.

Keep cool. Just because someone sees your scars, that doesn't mean they'll automatically know what they are or where they came from—and even if a fellow classmate is rude enough to ask where your scars came from, you're under no obligation to explain. (Or tell the truth, for that matter.) So if someone says, “Hey, what happened to your legs?”, you can say...

It's a long story.
I'd rather not talk about it.
I had an accident when I was little.
That's nothing—you should've seen the other guy. (Pause.) And by “guy,” I mean “wolverine.”
I was attacked by badgers.
I was attacked by ninjas.
I was attacked by clowns.
I was attacked by ninja clowns carrying badgers.

Follow up your non-answer, deflection, or joke response with a quick subject change—“Is that Kevin kid here today? I really hope he doesn't pee in the pool again!”—and the asker should follow your lead by not pushing the issue. If he does, you can give him a serious look and say, “Look, it's a long story and I'd rather not talk about it, okay? How's [alternate topic of conversation]?”

Finally, when you start to feel nervous about someone seeing your scars, remember: There's not a single human being on earth who doesn't have something on his or her body that makes for self-consciousness, whether it's a scar, a bulge, or a rampant fungal infection that made his or her entire left leg look like a well-cheesed pizza throughout the summer after his or her sophomore year. (No, really. I've got pictures.) In another few years, the marks on your legs will probably have faded so that they're no longer noticeable to anyone but you. And in the meantime, they're nothing to be ashamed of. Watch them fade, take good care of yourself, and feel proud of how far you've come since then.

Let us know what happens; everyone's rooting for you.

Got some feedback for our letter-writer? Got a question for Auntie? Leave your comments below, or send an email to advice@sparknotes.com.