Auntie SparkNotes: How to Flirt, For Everyone!: Topics of Conversation

After two weeks of non-stop flirting, we're finally nearing the end of our guide to eyeballing, engaging, and ensnaring members of the opposite sex—and it's a good thing, too, because Auntie SparkNotes is starting to feel a little odd about the “research.” (If I keep flirting with my bedroom mirror, eventually I'll have to get to first base with myself—y'know, just to keep things from getting awkward.) But we're not done yet! And I hope that everyone brought their Confidence Pants today, because this installment of the flirting guide is all about extended conversation.

With.
YOUR CRUSH.

Ever since I first suggested that you engage in conversation with the person you like, I've been getting letters that go something like this:

I did The Look and initiated a conversation with my crush, but now I have no idea what to talk about! We've been standing here for hours, wordlessly staring at each other's nostrils! And my tongue feels like it's covered in hair! HELP!

Because while talking to your flirtee can sometimes be as easy as, say, talking to your best friend, the fact that you'd eventually like to kiss this person can also create a sort of clog in your brain—one that causes you to search frantically for something (anything!) to talk about, until the pressure to just speak becomes so intense that you think you might explode, at which point you'll end up blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.

Which, unfortunately, is usually something along the lines of, “One time, I woke up and found a quarter stuck to my butt!”

So today, Auntie SparkNotes is offering up a guide to making conversation—featuring quick ways to get the two of you chattering away in no time, as well as a list of topics you should avoid at all costs lest you bring the convo to a grinding halt. Ready? Let's go!

Convo Strategy #1: Commonalities.
If the two of you have any experiences, classes, friends, or extracurricular activities in common, this is where you start. The reasoning is simple: You'll both have something to contribute to the conversation, thereby allowing either one of you to jump in and fill any uncomfortable pauses with a subject-relevant comment. Conversation starters include:

What's [name of mutual acquaintance] up to these days?
What did you think of [title of book you both had to read for English class]?
How'd you get involved in [club you're both members of]?
Can you believe [crazy rumor currently circulating about the principal and his penchant for wearing ladies' underwear under his business suit]?

Convo Strategy #2: Leading questions.
You're talking to this person because you want to get to him or her, and that means asking questions that'll lead down a more personal path. You want to be interested and engaged, allowing information to flow naturally. For instance:

You: So, how long has your family lived in town?
Flirtee: We moved here when I was ten.
You: Where'd you live before that?
Flirtee: Alaska.
You: That's a huge change. What was it like in your old town?

The first two questions are information-gathering—you've just discovered something interesting and different about your crush. And when you ask her a question that begins with “How,” “Why,” “What did you think,” or “What was it like,” you're opening the door for a longer answer that'll give you some insight into who he or she is.

Convo Strategy #3: The info trade.
A conversation isn't just about one person—you want your crush to get to know you, too. So when you're conversing, offer up relevant information about yourself in addition to asking questions. A natural flow of info might go like this:

You: Do you have brothers or sisters?
Flirtee: I have an older sister. What about you?
You: I have an older sister too. Do you get along with yours?
Flirtee: Pretty much. Do you?
You: Mmm, kinda. We fight, though. When I was five, my sister tried to put me in a box and mail me to Urugay.

Convo Strategy #4: Storytelling.

The last line in that dialogue above is a great example of info-trading...but there's going to be a pretty interesting, longer story behind it as well. Entertaining each other with a good anecdote is one of the hallmarks of a great conversation, and it's one of the quickest ways to get to know a whole lot about someone else. If you find yourself talking about a subject that has some interesting background info attached to it—anything from a piece of your family lore to a hysterically embarrassing moment—take the next step and share your story. And if the conversation is going well, you can invite your flirtee to share stories by asking questions like, “Have you ever done anything crazy to your sister?”

Convo Strategy #5: Topics.

Using the above guidance, you can initiate a decent conversation on pretty much any subject—but beware, because some subjects are better than others. To get things off to a good start, try talking about:

Books you've both read
Movies you've both seen
College applications and/or career plans
Interesting gossip about your teachers
Places your flirtee has traveled to, or would like to travel to
Upcoming events like homecoming, dances, or graduation
The performance (or lack thereof) of your school's football team
Crazy stuff your grandmother says

And unless you're instant bffs right from the get-go, avoid mentioning things like:

Menstruation
Your ex
His/her ex
Exes in general
The fact that you tell your mother everything
Off-color jokes
Farting
Nose-picking
Politics or religion (you don't want to end up in an argument during your first conversation)
Your recent arrest for indecent exposure
Zit-popping techniques
Other guys/girls you'd like to date
Sexual fantasies involving the cast of High School Musical
Uncomfortably personal questions
Claims of personal accomplishment that aren't actually true

Ultimately, the goal of any conversation is for you and your flirtee to get to know each other—what interests you, what makes you laugh, what makes you who you are, where you come from and where you hope to end up. So ask lots of questions, listen to the answers, and don't be afraid to delve further into topics that interest you both; having something in common means you'll always have something to talk about. And if your flirtee likes you, too, s/he'll be working just as hard as you to keep the convo going.

Still need info on flirting? Come back tomorrow for another unisex installment: Dealing with Rejection!