5 Types of School Dance Dances

Ah, the school dance! The only school-sanctioned activity where physical contact (other than two-hand touch football in P.E. class) is actually allowed. Whether it's a small Sadie Hawkins fundraiser dance in the gym, or a spectacularly decorated Under The Sea themed Prom in...the gym...school dances always have one thing in common: dancing. Whether or not that dancing goes in the Positive Memory File depends on just exactly what type it is. Keep an eye out for these five variations:

1. The Robot Slow Dance
Also known as: The Stiff Limb Shuffle
How to spot it: One of the most classic of all school dance dances, The Robot Slow Dance is characterized by 1) rigidly extended arms (think zombie hungry for brains), 2) awkward rocking from foot to foot (think slow-moving flamingo), and 3) avoidance of eye contact (think you when your parents ask if there are going to be any adults at that party you want to go to). Don't judge too harshly, as even the coolest of the cool have found themselves locked in the awkward sway of this dance number. If it looks like two of your classmates have been struck with the Petrificus Totalus curse in the middle of the dance floor, fear not; there aren't any evil wizards around, that's just The Robot Slow Dance in all its splendor!

2. The Circle of Glory
Also known as: The Circle of Shame
How to spot it: There are some things science can't explain, such as the building of the pyramids, the disappearance of Amelia Earhart's airplane, and the reason Brad Pitt decided to grow a Yeti beard. One of the greatest mysteries of all is a natural phenomenon that always seems to happen at school dances: The Dance Circle. Be warned: you might be minding your own business, doing the shopping cart or that fun finger dance from Pulp Fiction with your friends, when out of nowhere a giant dance circle will open up and try to suck you in like a whirlpool. Though the mechanics are simple—one person dances in the middle of a circle of cheering onlookers—the actual act of entering the circle is scarier than the thought of Jon Gosselin landing another reality show. Even if you don't have the dance skills of an extra in Step Up, you can still survive: Simply enter the circle, take a deep breath, and then willingly make a fool of yourself by dancing your little heart out. Your peers will appreciate not only your bravery, but also the added levity created by your selfless sacrifice of dignity.

3. The Sideline Head Nod Dance
Also known as: The Wallflower Bob
How to spot it: Listen, the actual "dancing" part of a dance isn't everyone's cup of chai latte. And that's okay. That's why they invented the head nod. Even the most rhythmically-challenged individuals are able to pull off this school dance staple. Just follow these two easy steps: 1) stand still and 2) nod your head. For variation, alternate crossing your arms and putting your hands in your pockets. More advanced nodders can throw in a "Room Glance Over." By looking around the dance floor as you nod, you'll send the message, "Hey, I could be dancing if I wanted to, but for now I'm just trying to find the lucky guy/lady who gets to dance with me and my fine self."

4. The Faux Swing Dance
Also known as: The Pinstripe Pretender

How to spot it: Though the swing dance music craze of the 90s is over, school dance DJs will try their darndest to sneak a "Zoot Suit Riot" or two onto the playlist. When this happens, a small group of students who wear pinstriped pants and suspenders every day will celebrate because the weeks of dance lessons they've paid for at the Mercury Cafe will finally pay off. Before you groan and think, "Ah shucks. I don't know how to swing dance!" know this: You can fake it! That's right, just throw in a few spins, add a dash of arms behind the back, toss in a carefully executed dip or two and—voila!—you're swing dancing! Or, at the very least, you're faking it well enough to stay on the dance floor until the DJ starts playing the latest Lady Gaga track.

5. The Prolonged Hug Dance
Also known as: The Velcro Tango
How to spot it: If you take The Robot Dance, smash it together, add some glue, and sprinkle on just a bit of "awkward turtle," you'll end up with The Prolonged Hug Dance. Usually perpetrated by those two kids in your English class who annoyingly flirted all semester and so obviously liked each other but waited until now to confess their feelings, this dance isn't as pretty to watch as the puppy love that inspired it might lead you to believe.

Though they might think they're dancing, the guilty parties will actually look more like they're in the middle of a very confused three legged race...a three legged race in which they actually tied both of their legs together...while facing each other...on a dance floor. If you find yourself dangerously close to a Prolonged Hug Dance, don't panic; simply initiate a Circle of Glory Dance (see item 2 above) and before you know it, those two will be pulled apart by the dance circle's mighty centripetal force. Huh, I guess physics class does have real world applications after all!

What is your favorite dance move?

Related Post: Topics of Conversation for the Slow Dance