Auntie SparkNotes: How to Flirt If You're a Dude, Part 1: The Look

If you were here last week, you probably noticed a whole lotta flirting goin' on, what with all the Looking and Come Hithering and Insidious Touching of Friends Who We Wish Were Our Boyfriends. And if you're a female Sparkler, those first four installments of the flirting guide should have left you with a pretty good idea of how to subtly alert a guy that you find him interesting in a “Let's hold hands and make out” kind of way.

Which is why today, we're jumping across the aisle and bringing some advice to the other side. Yes, that's right! It's The Guys' Guide to Flirtation!

(See? I told you we'd do one.)

Before we begin, let's get the bad-but-obvious news out of the way: As compared with the subtle methods from the girl's guide to flirting, conveying your romantic interest as a guy is going to take more... hmm, what's the word I'm looking for?

Oh, right.

Balls.

Because much as I wish it weren't so, we're living in a world where an interested guy is expected to convey his interest by making a definitive move. For better or for worse, all of us are socialized from a young age to view men as the aggressors when it comes to dating and mating, and while Auntie SparkNotes is highly invested in getting girls to step it up and be brave already...well, that's another column. So for now, gentlemen, I'm going to ask that you put on your Confidence Pants and practice a caveman grunt or two, just to get yourself in the mood.

Ready? Let's go!

Now, some good news: even though guys are operating with a slightly different set of rules, the initial building blocks of a flirtation are similar for both sexes. Which means that you, as a dude, also need to learn to use the number one tool of successful man-flirts: The Look, version 2.0.

As we all know from the first installment of this guide, The Look is how you'll catch the eye of a flirtee from across the room—in class, in church, in the basement where you're being held captive by a mad scientist, etc. Allow your gaze to drift across the room until it stops on the girl you're interested in. When she looks up, smile and hold eye contact.

DO:
- Keep your expression friendly and your gaze neutral.
- Smile confidently.
- Hold her gaze; ideally, she'll signal interest by meeting your eyes and smiling, then looking down. (It's a biological thing.)
- Watch her body language. If she touches her face, hair, or neck while you're making eye contact, it's a good sign.
- Break eye contact and look forward—not down—if you've been staring at each other for an uncomfortably long time (say, six seconds or more.)

DON'T:
- Glare or leer. An aggressive gaze is the quickest way to make your crush go from “Ooh, he's cute!” to “OMG CALL THE POLICE.”
- Break eye contact. Generally, you need to hold her gaze for at least three seconds to convey the right message; look away too fast, and you'll seem disinterested.
- Pant, drool, or lick your lips. Eww.
- Attempt this move more than three times in a one-hour period.
- Stare at her boobs. One very brief top-to-toe check-out is okay; locking onto her cleavage like a heat-seeking missile and allowing your eyes to glaze over is NOT.

Once you've gotten comfortable holding the eye of your flirtee, you can also try a bolder variation of The Look 2.0:

The Sup-Nod: Once you've caught the eye of your flirtee, smile and tilt your chin slightly up, then back down again. The upward nod conveys interest and approval, and it makes you look confident. Don't move your head too sharply (you'll look like a cocky jerk), and make sure to smile—without a pleasant expression, the message of the Sup-Nod goes from “I think you're cute” to “I'm gonna kick your ass.”

The Inside Joke: This one isn't just for the girls. If something funny, weird, or otherwise noteworthy is happening, catch the eye of your flirtee and laugh about it with her. It'll establish a connection and give you something to talk about when you do finally work up the nerve to approach her.

The Silent Hey: An escalation of the Sup-Nod: once you've made eye contact, smile and mouth the word “Hey” while raising your eyebrows just a little bit. If she blushes and smiles/giggles, she's interested. If you can pull off the Silent Hey, chances are you really don't need a flirting guide.

As always, the goal of The Look is to initiate contact, let her know you're noticing her, and gauge whether the object of your affection is interested in you, too. A girl who smiles and holds eye contact is open to being talked to. A girl who responds by staring blankly, looking scared, or refusing to meet your eye? Not so much.

Which is good to know, of course, because in the next installment of the Guys' Guide to Flirting, we're forging ahead to Step Two: Actually Talking to Her.

Keep those Confidence Pants on, fellas. You can do it!

Want to know what comes next? Come back tomorrow for the next installment, and leave any relevant questions or comments below! And as always, questions for Auntie should be directed to advice@sparknotes.com.