What Would You Do With a Time Machine?

By Contributor

January 8, 2010

Sparkler BAMBI930 wrote this fab post, but we do have one question: How'd you get Dan's address?!?! -SparkNotes editors

Haven’t you ever thought, "Wouldn’t it be awesome to be like Molly Moon and have that huge chunk of diamond and be able to summon its powers?"

In non-geek speak: Wouldn't be awesome to have a device that could stop time? Think about it (because I have, every time I’m late for school. All this thinking, incidentally, makes me even MORE late). If you could stop time, you could do so much more with your day. Like...

1. Torture your frenemy.

Freeze time and lock someone up with only a portable DVD player, Twilight saga DVDs, all the Twilight books, and a Edward action figure. Mwwwwwahahahaha!

2. PARTY ALL NIGHT! (and keep up with your beauty sleep)

When you get home at 6 a.m., simply freeze time and then sleep for 12 hours. Easy peasy lemon squeezy (why do people say that? Squeezing a lemon is NOT easy, especially if you have cuts….*hides tear* I don’t want to talk about it). FINALLY we can actually do something productive with our now-opened nights. AND PLEASE, if you do get this power, DO NOT waste it on watching Bella sleep.

3. Grow longer hair for the Winter Formal, even if it’s only 2 days away.

Have no fear, time machine is here! Just freeze time for about six months and viola! You have long hair. So much more natural than a weave, and less expensive too!

4. Cram for midterms (which I’m suppose to be doing now. Goodbye APUSH grade)
No need to start three weeks early like the teachers suggest (really, who does that? Other than the freakishly old Edward, of course). Relax and start the night before, maybe even the morning of. Freeze time, study, take a nap, unfreeze time, take the exam. Five easy steps to an A.

5. Look oh-so-put-together every single day.

Can’t find something cute to wear in the mornings? Or, the sister problem, what you want to wear is still wet? No problem: just freeze time and find something in peace without your mom shouting for you to get to school. Heck, you could even wash something you wanted to wear and watch it dry. Or design and sew a cute outfit. Why not, you have all the time in the world.

6. Meet Dan.
Dying to meet Dan Bergstein? Easy! Just freeze time, go to his house, unfreeze time and camp out there until he comes home, freeze time again, take 102,309,182,039 pictures of the two of you together, and go on home! Hopefully your mom won’t even notice you were gone. This way you won’t have to go through all the hassle of stalking and getting stuck with a restraining order.