Auntie SparkNotes: How to Flirt, Part 4: Crushing on Friends

Are your flirting skills less-than-developed? Have you ever tried to talk to your crush, only to end up sweating profusely and puking on your shoes? Hey, it happens! That's why Auntie SparkNotes, flirtation expert, is here to present a definitive guide to flirting—from first looks to first dates. Ready? Let's go.

Hellooooo, Sparklers. If you've been hanging around here all week (as extremely cool people are wont to do), you know that I've been covering the ABCs of initiating a flirtation with your average cute stranger. So far, we've already caught some eyes and struck up some conversations, but before we get around to a first date, I'm going to derail in order to cover a topic in extremely popular demand:

How to flirt when your crush is also your friend.

Developing feelings for someone within your circle of friends is totally natural; in my (completely unscientific) estimate, almost everyone has this happen at least once. And while falling for a friend can be great—after all, it's nice to be pursuing somebody when you already know you're compatible—it can also leave you feeling super-awkward when you're trying to move the relationship into non-platonic territory.

The good news is, it can be done.
The bad news is, guts are almost always required. That's right, y'all—you're probably going to have to take on the terrifying task of actually telling your crush how you feel.

But before you run screaming down the street, take heart: There are certain things you can do pre-confession to pave the way for a romantic relationship with a friend, gauge his interest, and—depending on the circumstances—possibly get him to make the first move. How? A three-part strategy.

Part 1: The Look. Yes, that one. As it turns out, The Look is useful not only for catching the eye of a stranger across the room, but for letting your friend know that your feelings for him are more-than-friendly.

What you'll do: If you're hanging out with a group of people that includes your crush, let your gaze drift over to him while somebody else is busy talking. If he meets your eye, smile a little and hold eye contact for just a moment, then look away. The same basic rules apply—you don't want to stare creepily or be constantly eye-checking him—and so does the idea behind the move: You're letting him catch you looking.

What he'll do: If he looks happy to see that you're looking at him, or if you catch him looking at you the same way, there's a good chance he's interested.

Part 2: Getting Physical. It sounds cheesy, but one of the primary differences between just-friends and more-than-friends is touching. People who have feelings for each other will initiate more random physical contact—hugging, patting, arm-rubbing—than people who don't.

What you'll do: If you're sitting together, sit closer than normal so that there's some contact between your legs. If he's got a stray eyelash on his cheek, pluck it away for him instead of just saying, “There's something on your face.” Put your hand on his shoulder when you're trying to get his attention. And, overall, pay close attention to the way that he reacts.

What he'll do: If he's interested, your friend will respond to the increase in physical contact by moving toward you, letting his leg press against yours, touching your arm in return, etc. If he flinches away, looks at you like you're insane, or screams, “Why do you keep touching me, crazypants?!”, you should probably stop.

DO
Be casual with the contact; it should seem nonchalant and natural, not forced.

DON'T
Throw yourself at him, shrieking and demanding to be hugged.

Part 3: Espionage. If he's playing looky-looky with you and seems to like the increased physical contact, you're in good shape... and a little information-gathering is in order.

What you'll do: Initiate a conversation about crushes, either one-on-one or in your group. Ask him whether he's got his eye on anyone. If he asks you the same question, be coy; tell him you like somebody, but you're keeping it under wraps for now.

What he'll do: If he gets all nervous and sweaty and starts mumbling about not being sure who he likes, he probably likes you. If he gives you a knowing look and says, “I don't know; who do you like?”, he probably likes you. If he gets super-interested in who your crush is and asks a lot of questions—particularly if the questions are things like, “Does his name start with [same letter as his name]?”—he probably likes you.

If he responds by telling you the names of several girls he's interested in, and then asks for your advice on asking one of them out... well, sorry, it doesn't look good.

By now, your crush might already have given you a less-than-subtle indication that he's interested in you. But if you're still wondering, ask yourself the following:
Do you and your friend share meaningful moments (Part 1) when you're in a larger group of people?
Does he like it when you pay attention to him (Part 2)?
Does he seem interested in your romantic life (Part 3)?

If the answer to one of these questions is yes—and he's not running away in terror whenever touch him—it's time to sack up and break out the big guns. Because sometimes, ladies, you need to just ask for what you want. So the next time you're talking—or, if you're feeling too nervous for a real convo, emailing—take a deep breath, and say: “I don't want to make things weird, here, but I kinda like you.”

Is this scary? Yeah, of course. But before you claim that there's no way you could ever do this, consider the worst-case scenario: He doesn't return your feelings, and then you're...

Friends.

You know, just like you are right now.
That's not so horrible, right? Now GO FOR IT.

We've still got more flirting to do! Come back next week for more on making contact, making dates, and making... cookies. Plus: The Guy's Guide to Flirting.