Auntie SparkNotes: How to Flirt, Part 3: The Convo

If you've ever wondered about the science of flirting, you're not alone. That's why Auntie SparkNotes is spending the next few days telling you how to do it. Ready? Let's go!

Good afternoon, flirters!

(You: Good afternoon, Auntie SparkNotes!)

If you've read the first two installments of this series, you know that I've spent the last few days offering up some very, very basic instruction on Letting That Guy Know You Dig Him. Right now, we're working strictly with scenarios in which you're trying to get the attention of someone you don't know well and have never really talked to. Although some moves (i.e. The Look) are useful in situations other than these, the overall flirtation will be a little bit different if you have anything more than a “hi in the hallways” relationship with your crush. So for those of you who are looking to let an already-friend know you're interested: Don't worry, we'll get there!

And yes, guys, I'll be posting a guide for you too. Patience.

At this point, we've covered The Look and the Come Hither. We're now on the verge of talking—TALKING!—to a flirtee. Do you get all tongue-tied when a guy says hello, struggle to remember your own name, or turn into a fountain of nervous crazybabble? Read on, 'cause it's time for...

The Convo.

The first conversation with somebody you OMGLIKE is one of life's most nervewracking experiences. The sweaty palms, the jumpy stomach, the curious sense that your heart is trying to actually kick its way out of your chest—all par for the course, doves. (And you'd better get used to it, because these symptoms will continue well into your twenties and beyond.) So when a guy finally says hi after a round or two of eye-flirting, you can keep yourself from melting into a small, wet pile of anxiety by remembering the following important facts:

1) Fear of rejection plays both ways, which means that he's nervous, too.
2) There's almost nothing you can say in a five-minute initial conversation that will cause your crush to run away screaming. (See the DON'Ts for more information.)

Are you relaxed? Good. Now:

A successful flirty conversation should leave both parties feeling flattered, at ease, and interested in seeing each other again. When he says hi, make it clear that you're glad he did; smile and say hello in a slightly playful way. (“Hi there,” for reasons I don't fully understand, is one of the cutest and most flirtatious things you can say at first meeting.) Tell him your name, if he doesn't know it already. From there, a few things can happen.

Option A: You'll fall easily and naturally into conversation. Believe it or not, this does happen—some people are just easy to talk to, and if you have a natural connection/things in common, you might not even realize that you've spent five minutes trading opinions on the latest Lit assignment or last night's episode of LOST until one of your friends pulls on your sleeve and says, “You're gonna be late for class.”

Option B: He's clearly interested in talking, but there's an awkward pause after you've traded names. To get the convo going, try a leading compliment (“Nice mohawk—how'd you get it to stay up?”) or say something that requires more than a one-word response. For instance:

What did you think of [last night's reading assignment/the DJ at homecoming/the mysterious substance they're serving at lunch today]?

How do you know [name of mutual friend whose party you are currently attending]?

How did you [do on that test/get involved in mock trial/get those pants to so kindly hug the illustrious curve of your buttocks]?

Option C: Despite your attempts to draw him out (see Option B), you can't seem to keep the conversation going. If you want to give it one more shot, it's time to turn on the charm and be more forward. Laugh a little bit, and say, “I was hoping you'd come talk to me, but it looks like we've hit a wall,” or—my personal favorite—“Sooo... this is awkward.” If there's any kind of connection between you, he'll laugh, and things will get easier from there. If he doesn't laugh, he is a useless lump. Time to move on.

DO:
- Relax. You're not going to be quizzed on this later.
- Be confident and breezy. He's talking to you because he's already interested, remember?
- Let your interest show—keep your expression open and friendly while he talks to you (a very slight smile is a good option), laugh at his jokes, and don't be afraid to let him know you've been noticing him.
- Participate. Offer information about yourself, and have a good story or two in your repertoire. If you're painfully shy, you should practice asking questions that will let him do most of the talking.
- Banter. There is nothing hotter than a girl who can dish out a little good-natured teasing.

DON'T:
- Hang wide-eyed on his every word. Think: Interested and amused, not desperate.
- Laugh hysterically at everything he says, unless he is a) doing a comedy routine, and b) legitimately funny.
- Use any of the following terrifying words or phrases: “diet,” “ex-boyfriend,” “tampon,” “rash on my butt,” or “my father carries a loaded gun.”
- Be afraid to screw up. Even confident flirters can find themselves sweating, clamming up, or nervously babbling about their dog's dietary restrictions; just stop, laugh, and say, “Sorry, I guess I'm kind of nervous!” Admitting weakness? Actually kind of adorable.

The most important thing to remember during these conversations is as follows: Your flirtee is not looking for reasons to hate you. He's there because he's hoping that you'll click, same as you are. So be confident, be interested, and everything is gonna be fine.

Want to know more about flirting? Come back tomorrow for the next installment, in which we tackle more tricky situations. Got your own tips to share? Leave 'em in the comments!