The British School System, Demystified

We asked villanous_mwaha to explain sixth form, A levels, and all that other British education system nonsense that us Americans don't understand. Thanks, villanous! -SparkNotes editors

If you haven’t already fallen asleep after reading the title, do not fear. It may be an unfeasible task, but I shall do my best to make this article as entertaining as possible, whilst explaining the British education system to you Americans. *gulp*

Years and ages
3 years old – Nursery
4 years old – Reception
5 years old – Year one
6 years old – Year two
7 years old – Year three
8 years old – Year four
9 years old – Year five
10 years old – Year six
11 years old – Year seven
12 years old – Year eight
13 years old – Year nine
14 years old – YEAR TEN!!!!! (My year, hence the capital letters and exclamation marks)
15 years old – Year eleven
16 years old – Year twelve
17 years old – Year thirteen

So those are the years, but now here comes the complicated bits! Hold onto your hats, or just your hair if you aren’t wearing a hat, or your ears if you are bald….and if you are bald with no ears (what are the chances?), then could you please put a hat on for argument’s sake!?!

Okay, there are three different types of schooling programs here, and each program has graduation/advancement years and different settings...so on and so forth and whatnot. I call the three systems The Simple System, The Less Simple System, and The Not Simple System.

The Simple System
This starts out with nursery school, in nursery year. Surprise surprise. This is the year where you have no uniform, no rules, and are free to fart in whichever direction you like without being scolded. I remember in my nursery school we had Disney characters all round the wall of the playground, and we used to go and hug Baloo the Bear because he looked so cuddly. He was, in fact, made of concrete and paint, but we could pretend.

Then, at reception, you go into primary school and stay there till year six. Throughout this time you do a lot of crying because you don’t want to go to school and wear cardigans that have the school logo on along with a horrible cotton shirt and black trousers. You want to wear nothing all day and be free forever! This is not going to happen. You have entered school now; you are imprisoned for life. In year six you get SATs, your first real exam. This is only in core subjects but it's TERRIFYING!!!

Then from year seven and alllll the way through to year 13 you are at secondary school. This is where you discover hormones, crazy biotches, make-up, and boys. Or girls, depending on your gender and inclination. But what I mean is you DISCOVER them.

From year 10 through to the end of year 11 you do GCSEs, awful exams that require coursework and awfulness. Years 12 and 13 are sixth form, when you get to wear non-uniform and run about the school as you please. You get to have an air of superiority. You get to leave school during free periods. And you get a better choice of subjects. Basically everything the kids in uniforms want, you get. *sigh*

The Less Simple System
Again, this starts off with nursery school for the nursery year, then from reception through to year 4 you are in first school. I can't give as many details about this; I am educated under the simple system. From year 5 through to year 8 you are in middle school and from year nine onwards you are in upper school/high school. To be honest I don’t like the sound of this system, so I won’t say much more about it.

The Not Simple System
Aaand again we begin with nursery school, in nursery year with no uniform etc, Baloo etc...then you go into RECEPTION!! Bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you? From reception through till year 2 you are at infant school, the school for the tiny people.

From year 3 though till year 6 you are at junior school and it is pretty much like the primary school in the simple system. Of course, from here you could easily go on to the simple system from year 7 onwards; I know many a friend who has done this.

But yeah, from year 7 to 11 it is secondary school and then in year 12 and 13 you go on to a sixth form college, where you do the same old sixth form stuff and don’t have to wear a uniform and whatnot, but it is away from those snotty lower-schoolers.

What do you think of the British systems? Can anyone fill in the gaps in the areas villanous isn't familiar with?

Related Post: A Day in the Life of a Public School Kid