Skip over navigation

The Ugly World of Email Forwards

The Ugly World of Email Forwards

By Robert Isenberg

Email forwards make us want to super glue our eyelids shut forever. The thing that really boggles our minds about forwards is that certain people (looking at you, Dad) think each and every one is a special, original, non-horribly annoying e-gift, and should be shared with the world. Those people are wrong. So wrong, in fact, that we were able to compile a list of characteristics of pretty much every email forward ever sent:

  1. Three fifths of the time, the email forward is sent by someone over 40. Anxious moms are the worst offenders.
  2. Email forwards usually have a really obvious "message." Some are life-affirming little stories about the miracle of being alive. Some are angry political rants. No matter what the topic, there's little left to the imagination.
  3. Nobody knows where email forwards come from. Sometimes an author claims to have written it ("I'm just a homemaker from Minnesota..."), but is this Minnesotan homemaker really the author? Wouldn't bet on it.
  4. Pictures of cats have been way overused.
  5. Ditto cute puppies.
  6. The spellling is atrotious. Plus all the Weird capitalisations; and grammatical, errors.
  7. Two thirds of the time, a forward has been sent so many times, you have to scroll down for minutes just to find the original message.
  8. Only a few people like sending forwards, but nobody likes receiving them.

Here's the step-by-step guide to how email forwarding works:

  1. You get a forward from somebody (probably a relative, like Uncle Ted). The forward is mildly funny, like pictures of babies pretending to drive cars. Tee-hee.
  2. You reply, "Ha!"
  3. Uncle Ted now think you love his email forwards. He sends you 12 more in the next week.
  4. You don't want to hurt Uncle Ted's feelings, but he's filling your inbox with little rhyming poems about being nice to strangers. When will it end?
  5. The forwards accumulate over the month. You keep deleting them, but more come every afternoon. Doesn't Uncle Ted have a job or something?
  6. You finally start marking his emails as spam.
  7. You run into Uncle Ted at Thanksgiving. "Oh, hey!" he says cheerfully. "What did you think of that forward I sent you?" "Oh..." you mumble. "Which one?" "The one with all the elephant puns," he says hopefully. "Oh, yeah, that one," you say, hoping this isn't a test. "Yeah, that was really, uh, funny."
  8. Uncle Ted gets a new job and a new email address. The cycle starts again.

Ever have a bad forwarding experience? Tell us about it.

Related Post: Highly Annoying People

Topics: Digital
Tags: annoying things, family, email, forwards

Write your own comment!