Disney Princesses Who Are Mentally Ill

Sparkler peaceonearth34 reminds us that not all cartoons are crush-worthy! —SparkNotes editors

Imagine this scenario: You're babysitting your 5-year-old cousin when she grabs an old Disney movie off of the shelf and begs you to play it. You smile and pop it in, preparing to revisited your most cherished childhood memories. But wait! Your mind has been enriched by a healthy combination of Dan's blogs and pop culture, and you begin to think, "What was Snow White thinking??!" As an older person, I wonder about the appeal of the Disney Princess line. Consider some of these gals:

Cinderella—I have a problem with this girl. She is so easily manipulated! I mean, what could her step-family do to her if she refused to work? Fire her?

I also believe that she may actually have serious mental issues (due to overworking and extreme gullibility) that cause her to believe she can communicate with mice and birds. Poor girl.

Snow White—Oh my. Snow does absolutely nothing in this movie but be a perfect housewife! After being held captive in her own home (I'm seeing a theme here), and meeting a prince for 5 minutes (What the heck was he doing in her yard, anyway? Watching her? What a creep.), she ends up happily doing chores for seven men.

Snow plays housewife for the seven annoying dwarves and talks about how she wants to be rescued by some hot prince, but she carelessly eats an apple from evil stepmom in disguise and passes out. (Never talk to strangers, kids!) Finally, the prince shows up and kisses her—because that's the standard procedure for those presumed dead. Finally, she wakes up, smiles, and rides away with him, totally ditching the dwarves! The prince never has a single speaking line, so how can she be truly in love with him?

Ariel—First of all, she's 16 years old. 16! She's 16 and looking to get hitched! Second, she's way too self-conscious. She's afraid to show her prince her pretty little fishy tail because she's afraid he won't accept her. This is a recipe for a bad relationship. If a guy can't accept you as you are, then he's a loser, and you should get rid of him. Be proud of who you are, girl!!!

But no, our little Ariel will go to any lengths to be conventional for her boyfriend. She goes to an evil witch (*ehem* plastic surgeon) who wants her voice in exchange for giving her legs. Ariel, of course, agrees, because if you can't be physically perfect for your bf, then what's the point of having a great voice? She gets her legs, but now she can't talk and she acts like an idiot. But because she's pretty, the prince finds that brushing one's hair with a fork is unbelievably charming. Ugh.

Aurora—Wow. Just, wow. Aurora is cursed as a baby to die on her 16th birthday with the prick of a spinning wheel by some mean old witch who's jealous that she didn't get invited to her christening. No need to take it out on the child, honey. How about therapy instead? So the brilliant fairies change the spell to that Cindy will just fall asleep until her true love kisses her. Foolproof plan, right? Then, bringing their brilliance to a whole other level, they decide to take her away to the forest, because in fairy tales, there is never, ever evil in the forest. She lives there until she is 16, under the impression that her name is actually Briar Rose, and she's not a princess, and her aunties are not magical fairy people.

None of this is actually Aurora's fault, but what bugs me is that when she meets the prince and he insists they've met before, her first thought isn't "creepy stalker!" Once Aurora discovers her true identity, she hugs her parents like she's known them her entire 16 years and has no problem with the fact that her fairy-aunties have been lying to her all this time. Come on, girl! Your world is crashing down around you, and you don't even care? That is not normal.

Are there any Disney princesses with common sense? Tell us in the comments!

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