Christmas Cookie FAIL

After reading this very funny post, we think Sparkler dance4life51 should rename herself write4life51. Just a suggestion! —SparkNotes editors

We've all had terrible Christmas cookies from cookie exchanges with friends, relatives, neighbors, whoever. Here are some cookies I always avoid:

Peppermint balls
These come in the form of Pepto-Bismol pink, round, one-inch balls. They are to be avoided at all costs. Because of their strange shape, they are generally burnt to a crisp on the bottom, and still doughy on the inside. Auntie Pat, (you know, the one they just released from the asylum) probably thought that two teaspoons of peppermint extract is not enough, and decided the whole bottle would be a worthy substitute.

Chocolate-covered fruit/pretzels/nuts etc.
These are generally pretty hard to mess up. In fact, they are a safe bet, unless the chocolate looks slightly rough on the top. Then, the chocolate has seized, which is the grossest thing in the world. This is how it happens:

Uncle Rupert decides it is his turn to try something in the kitchen, so he sticks some Almond Bark in the microwave, starts watching TV, and is abruptly interrupted when he can no longer see the screen because of large amounts of smoke emanating from the microwave. Not wanting to go out and buy more ingredients, he decides that the current state of the dessert is good enough. It is not.

Sugar-free
You will always have some aunt who decides that being 5'7'' and weighing 120 is morbidly obese. For Christmas, she will decide to bring sugar-free cookies. What? Yes, you read right, sugar-free cookies. These generally bear a slight resemblance to cardboard. Christmas is only one day a year! It'll be all right if you pig out a bit and have *gasp* three sugar-filled cookies.

The “Everything” Cookie
This cookie contains, unfortunately, exactly what its title suggests. You might think this means stuff like chocolate chips, nuts, and raisins, but it means far more. The “Everything” Cookie really means, “Oh wow, it's Christmas time! Let's clean out the pantry!” It's generally synonymous with “Five-Year-Old Ketchup Cinnamon Goldfish Cookie.”

Sugar Cookie
You may think sugar cookies must be harmless, and they are, at first glance. But in a gathering of relatives, the task of baking sugar cookies is usually given to the mom with little kids, because sugar cookies are the easiest to make. Picture your aunt with her two twin terrors—er—sons, in the kitchen baking cookies. They are in the process of putting the cookies on the cookie sheet.

Twin Terror #1: MOMMMMM!!!!! make Jack stop eating MY COOKIE DOUGH!!!!

Twin Terror #2: It's not yours! I'm eating it now!

TT#1: But I already was eateding it! I had puttedted it in my mouth! Give it back!

Mother: Jack, give me the dough. Right. Now.

(Jack angrily spits the dough out and hands it to mom.)

Mother: Thank you.

(Mother plops spitty wad on the cookie sheet and places the sheet in the oven.)

If this doesn't bother you, go right ahead and enjoy!

What do you think is the grossest cookie ever?

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