Along with the many privileges granted to you in your teen years (driving!) come a few responsibilities that you might make you long for your toddler years. For example, when you were a kid, it was acceptable for you to play in a separate room while the adults gabbed, reminisced, and were boring. But as a teenager, you’re expected to join the discussion. Or more precisely, you’re expected to nibble on pretzels in silence while the "grownups" talk around you. The problem only gets worse over the holidays, when prolonged visitation by extended family brings many opportunities for mind-numbing discussion. What can you do?
Here are some possible scenarios and suggestions for how you can cope with them.
Problem: Willful Neglect or Patronizing Condescension
You attempt to enter the conversation, but no one acknowledges your comments, quips, or questions. Or if they do recognize your existence, it’s with that condescending “how nice” smile, after which everyone continues ignoring you.
Solution: Clearly, no one cares if you’re there, so why stick around? You can walk out under the pretense of using the bathroom. If this conversation is taking place just after a meal, you can bring your dirty dishes to the kitchen and then slink off to a corner to text friends. It will look like you’re being helpful, when really you’re just bored out of your skull.
Problem: The Joke Stealer
You make a clever comment, but the aunt or uncle sitting next to you drowns out your voice. Even worse, the joke you just made is repeated by the one relative who heard you, and everyone guffaws at that relative's apparent wit.
Solution: Teenagers have one thing in common with the elderly—most people don’t take them seriously. Chances are your grandma is feeling just as brushed off as you are. If you can't be heard above everyone else, take the opportunity to engage grams in a one-on-one conversation. She’ll be delighted, and since it’s just the two of you, it’s easier to control the direction of the chat. If she veers off into dangerous territory—“now what was the name of that actor from the '40s who always wore the hat and had a lisp?”—you can subtly switch gears and ask about something that might interest both of you.
Problem: Direct Engagement
Someone actually tries to speak to you. Of course, they ask the most pointless question conceivable: “So how is school?”
Solution: We suggest being completely frank and honest in your response. If your aunt asks you about school, tell her, “I think chemistry is boring and I sleep through it every day.” She might think you’re being facetious and move on to another topic. Or she might agree with you completely, opening the door for the two of you to discuss issues that are relevant to your academic career, like whether you should ask out that guy/girl that your friend is also crushing on.
Problem: Teen Bashing
The conversation turns vaguely insulting to the younger generation as the adults start to toss out statements like, “This generation just doesn’t try as hard,” or “Young people aren’t polite anymore,” or “In my day, we respected our elders. Not like now when blah-blah-blah..."
Solution: This might be a good time to get all educated on your misguided relatives. Gently point out that in the fifties much of the so-called Great Generation believed in separate-but-equal institutions, and in the “good old days” women could only be mothers, teachers, nurses, or secretaries. So even if people used to smile more, remind your fam that they were also more racist and sexist. Depending on your family, you may need to run for cover, but at least things will start to get a little interesting.
Problem: Lack of Response
The family starts reminiscing about Uncle Wally who “was quite a character” but who died well before you were born. If it's not Uncle Wally, it will be Great Aunt Caroline, or Johnny Carson, or Spiro Agnew, or some other equally mysterious figure. Either way, you have no way to contribute and no interest in listening.
Solution: Get up to refill your snack plate or grab another eggnog. Hopefully by the time you’re back they’ll be chatting about something else. Alternative: demand to know what Uncle Wally did that made him such a memorable character (hint: it involves a horse and Wally's fists of steel).
Do you get cope with relatives during the holidays? Do they treat you like a real person or like a kindergartner?
Related Post: Merry Un-Christmas!
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