Choose Your Own Essay Adventure

Sparkler rebel_of_nowhere has an amazing imagination and lots of smarts. If you've got a cool teacher, we think these essay topics just might work! —SparkNotes editors

Let me guess, when your teacher tells you that you get to choose your essay topic or class project, you're instantly elated. The joy is brief, however, when you realize just how many topics there are to pick from. As you become bewildered and confused, you consider giving up and settling for some boring cliched topic, much like the rest of your class.

But wait! This is your chance to get creative, so use it! Don’t spend hours barely keeping your head propped up over dusty books on the French Revolution. I mean, we all know how it ends, right? (If the answer is "no," then maybe you should do a report on it.) Here are a few essay ideas that will really get your creative juices flowing:

• Which came first, "orange" as a color or "orange" as a fruit? I bet you’ve never wondered this, but you are now, aren't you? This is kind of like the "chicken or the egg" question, except it has a definitive answer. Researching this will give you a lesson in English and geography, since words travel. (The oranges don’t, though. Only coconuts migrate.) Your teacher will be impressed with your originality.

• What’s Up with Doc and Bugs Bunny? Antagonistic relationships feature prominently in nearly every book high schoolers get annoyed reading: Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, and Romeo and Juliet, to name a few. But thinking about a big-eared rabbit holding a carrot like a cigar is more interesting than wondering why Romeo and Paris can’t just set aside their differences and act like gentlemen. Instead of trying to keep your eyelids open as Heathcliff proclaims his disturbed yet heartfelt love/hate for his enemy/love Cathy, try to figure out what’s up with cartoon enemies.

• Why Can’t That Poor Rabbit Get Some Freakin Trix Already? It’s been like twelve years, that rabbit deserves some dang cereal already. Think about it: Cartoons do have an impact on young viewers. What does denying this poor rabbit his cereal really mean? Give your sociology essay a twist by getting to the heart of this issue. Is it species-ism? Propaganda? Is there a subliminal message in the rabbit’s craving for colorful, sugary food?

• Who is the best Defense Against the Dark Arts professor? Everyone loves a good Potter reference. This essay topic (ideal for a compare/contrast paper) will get you bonus points if your teacher is a fan. You’ll appreciate J.K Rowling in new ways as you  evaluate teaching styles. And face it, analyzing Severus Snape and Remus Lupin is better than trying to slog through Uriah Heep’s mind.

• How does Jell-O work? I mean, you can turn almost any liquid into a solid and back to a liquid, but not Jell-O. Once it is Jell-O, it is Jell-O until the universe ends. Is there some kind of freaky genetic mutation of sugar molecules that make up this bizarre, extremely entertaining dessert? (Think of the movie Flubber.) Deconstructing Jell-O is a sure way to make your science project a lot more interesting. For bonus points, bring in Jell-O for the class.

• If a turtle loses his shell, is he naked, or homeless? Put a spin on your philosophy essay! Who says you can’t have fun pondering ponderously ponderous topics? This question will allow you to ask tough questions: Is homelessness just a lack of a home? Or can it be a loss of identity as well? I mean, is that turtle really a turtle without his shell? It would be like macaroni without the cheese, or werewolves without jetpacks...

• What happens to the missing socks? The day starts normally: You’re in a frenzied rush to get out the door for school because "IF I HAVE TO CALL YOU ONE MORE TIME YOU’RE WALKING TO SCHOOL YOUNG LADY," but—argh—you can only find one sock, and a soggy, slobbery, just-from-the-dog’s-mouth one at that. Is there some hidden black hole behind the dryer or something? Some inherent repellent in your feet that makes the left sock wiggle down the hall, lickety-split? Perhaps your sock has a personality disorder. He’s a loner, antisocial and cranky, much like Holden Caulfield. Or maybe your sock is being affected by an atom smasher that's disturbing the molecules in the fabric until black holes appear, and the sock collapses into itself and vanishesandohmygodismyhousenextseriouslysomeonfindthedangsockalreadybeforeiteatstheworld!!!

Ahem. Have any other great, non-traditional essay topics?

Related Post: How to Fake Your Way Through an Essay

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