SparkLife » My Crush Is a Cartoon

My Crush Is a Cartoon

Posted December 18, 2009

Sparkler woktaker, the author of this post, explains her inspiration for this post: "In the comment section of wildegirl55's post about dead people she is in love with, humanoid18 said, 'I don't know. I've never had a crush on a dead person. Cartoons, yes, and I'm not at all ashamed to admit it.' Well, that comment inspired me to contribute this..." Enjoy! —SparkNotes editors

The feeling of a warm, solid human hand wrapped around yours is something many desire. I, however, am not ashamed to admit that frequently, I'd rather have a 2D hand on top of mine than a sweaty, possibly never-been-washed, human hand.

I am, of course, speaking of my cartoon character loves. After all, cartoons will never let you down. They never age, get wrinkles, develop a life-threatening illness that takes them off of the planet, or, worst of all, grow hair in gross places, like ears, noses, and chests. Sure, their network might stop making new episodes of their show, but they will always be there in reruns and fan fiction. I have compiled a list of my top 5 cartoon crushes (in no particular order), because there is nothing more romantic to me than a brightly-colored fictional character:

5. Danny Phantom: Okay, this guy right here is the bomb. A ghost/angsty teenage boy—what more could you ask for? He has pretty eyes, and based on the "competition," (Sam and Paulina, psh), I have no doubt of my ability to woo and marry him...if he were real.

4. Dimitri: Sure he could have the Russian princess Anastasia, but why not me? Not only is his voice done by one of my all-time favorite actors (John Cusack), he is just such a little cutie. AND! He has good morals! Because he returned Anastasia to the Queen Dowager, he could have had a whole sack of money, but he refused it. Talk about the sweet sensitive type...

3. Brock: While some Pokémon lovers prefer Ash, Brock will always be my hunka hunka burnin' love. Sure his eyes are a little odd, and his hair spikes would probably decapitate me, but he is just such a funny guy. Forget Pikachu. Brock, I choose you!

2. Prince Eric: Those eyes! That flute that he plays! He's kind to animals! He is 4 inches (depending on the size of your TV screen) of perfection. His commitment to his "mystery girl" (who *spoiler* is Ariel but when she sells her voice to Ursula, she has no way of telling him) is one of the great loyalty stories of all time. It surpasses Sam and Frodo, Harry and Dumbledore, and lands just behind Ron and Hermione. (I'm sorry, but even Eric can't beat those two.)

1. Prince Cornelius: Yes, he's a little short (about a head taller than his gal, Thumbelina), but he rides a bumblebee and sings. Enough said.

Don't get me wrong, I do have multiple others cartoon crushes...Cosmo from the Fairly Odd Parents, Aladdin (he almost made the list), and Squidward (I have a thing for the musically-talented)...but those are the top five in my book.

You can keep your warm human kisses. I prefer real sparks—the static shocks I get from kissing the TV.

Is you crush a cartoon? Which one?