Merry Un-Christmas!

Posted December 18, 2009

We're impressed with how adept Sparkler Imperfectbutfine is at writing in the SparkLife style. Did you get your hands on our blogging manifesto? (Nice work!) —SparkNotes editors

Despite the natural cheer of the holiday season, and despite how low we set our standards, we always have those moments where our holiday seems “un-Christmasy.”

What is an “Un-Christmasy,” you ask? Well, it’s simple: It's when something happens over the holidays to trigger Extreme Grumpiness with a side of Holiday Contempt. Triggers include:
1. Homework over the break, especially when teachers call it their “Christmas present.”
2. Not having one single snow day this holiday season
3. Shoveling 5-foot piles of snow from your driveway
4. Not getting paid to shovel the 5-foot piles of snow from your driveway
5. Waking up the next day to find 5 more feet of snow on your driveway
6. Realizing your friend doesn’t have to shovel his driveway because his family’s on vacation
7. Getting fewer presents than your siblings
8. Not getting any of the presents you wanted at all
9. Breaking that special gift you’ve always wanted immediately after opening it
10. Finding out your parents didn’t pay warranty for it, so you can’t get money back to buy another one
11. Slipping and tripping on a patch of ice, and almost killing yourself
12. Knocking down the Christmas tree, resulting in smashed ornaments and distressed family members
13. Getting grounded on Christmas
14. Being forced to carol even though you don’t want to and stink at singing
15. Finding out that someone else ate all the cookies you were dying to try
16. Getting dumped on Christmas (it happens)
17. Studying for post-holiday exams on Christmas
18. When teachers call pre-holiday exams "Christmas exams"
19. Almost killing yourself while snowboarding or skiing
20. Getting nagged at by parents for “doing nothing” during the Christmas season