Chris Listens: Reading Books, Writing Stories, and Drinking Alcohol

Holy guacamole, there’s only one weekend left before Christmas. That means if you haven't started buying or crafting or donating-in-someone's-name yet, you need to get on it. I recommend seeing how much shopping you can get done without going to the mall—I'm sure there are some local businesses that would love it if you shopped with them. I've already received more than my fair share of presents in the form of heartfelt questions from Sparklers, so all I'm asking for this year is a couple pairs of socks. (Argyle ones, naturally—they have magical qualities.) And in the interest of a fair exchange, I've wrapped up a few answers and arranged them in a neat little stack below. So have at 'em, and don't be afraid to rip the paper—there's more where that came from.

I have some problems. 1. I can’t talk to people. Like, I know how to talk, obviously, but I have a hard time carrying on a conversation. And most of the time, I can’t find anything to say except for answers to the questions I’m asked. 2. I’m losing interest in EVERYTHING. I mean, I used to be so enthusiastic about SparkNotes and blogs and music, but now I couldn’t care less. 3. I think I’m depressed, but I can’t talk to my parents about it. My mom says I can tell her anything, but I can’t tell her about this and a therapist isn’t an option (costs WAY too much money). She and my dad don’t get along (for various reasons) and I know my dad wouldn’t be of any help. At all. And if that weren’t enough, she calls him crazy because his doctor put him on depression meds. Awesome family, right? 4. I don’t have any friends. I’m homeschooled and not very outgoing. The closest thing I have to a friend is my brother, but I don’t tell even him a lot. Not that I have much to talk about. I don’t really get along too well with the kids at church and I’ve never had a boyfriend (shocked, right?). I have my parents and my youth pastor, but I don’t really feel comfortable talking to them about much. Especially about what I’m feeling. 5. I feel utterly and completely ALONE (except for God, of course) and I don’t know if I can stay like this. And I have some self-image issues (also fueled by my mother) and I am REALLY concerned with what everyone thinks about me. I don’t want to live like this anymore, but I need help. Please?

Thanks for writing to me! It's not easy to express your feelings, so I'm glad you did. I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a difficult time. It seems like your schooling situation leaves you rather isolated, which can make any negative feelings a lot worse. What you need to do is get yourself into some social situations, pronto! Are there any homeschool support groups near you? You might be able to find events or other hang-out opportunities with homeschooled students in your area. The next easiest thing to do would be to join some kind of club or extracurricular activity that isn’t school-specific. The offerings depend on where you live, of course, but you could take music lessons, join a dance class or a running club, or volunteer for a cause you believe in. Basically, you want to put yourself in a position where you have to interact with people. That may help you get over your social anxiety. Socializing isn't something that comes naturally to most people; doing it well takes practice, and if you never talk to anyone, you’re probably not going to be very good at talking.

Regarding losing interest in everything and your suspicion of depression, it's a good idea to speak to professional about it. I'm not trained to evaluate your mental health, but I do know that a lack of interest in things that one previously enjoyed can be a symptom of depression. Your health insurance might cover visits to a therapist, so it might not be as expensive as you think. Your town or city may also have a mental health authority that can direct you to low-cost resources. Your church, or another one in your area, might have some counseling available. If you are feeling really sad and lonely, you should really tell your parents. You say they won't be any help, but by suppressing your feelings, you risk making them worse. Vent a little. Your parents might actually get you some help! If you talk to them and they totally shut you down, then you can look for other options, but I think you should probably go to them and see what kind of support they offer. The important thing is that you tell SOMEONE. In the meantime, you can read more about depression here. Thanks again for reaching out—take care of yourself!

I'm in quite a predicament. For my English class I need to find a book to read over break for an analytical essay on that novel. Easy, right? Nope. It has to be an American author because I am taking an American Lit class. Problem is, American-written novels aren't as good as British novels. I would love to do an essay on Pride and Prejudice, Rebecca, The Magician’s Nephew, Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, or A Midsummer Night's Dream. But all those books were written by British authors. And our teacher said that we can't use Lord of the Flies and Fahrenheit 451 because everybody read those last year. And we can't do The Scarlet Letter because we've read that in her class or The Crucible because we will be starting it next semester. So now, I have no idea what book I will do.

Well, let’s see here, you named four pieces of literature by Americans, and as important as they are, there are quite a few more books out there. Like, thousands and thousands. And hey, you’re on SparkNotes, right? If you visit our homepage, you can see the names of the following American novels (without even scrolling!): The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby, The Catcher in the Rye, and 1984. Any of these fabulous novels would totally be worth your time, and all lend themselves to brilliant analytical essays. If you are feeling ambitious, may I also suggest Moby-Dick by Herman Melville? Talk about themes! Old Moby has a million of them. As for fantastic American novels that are not on the SparkNotes homepage at this particular moment, you have so many choices: As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner, Rabbit Run by John Updike, Ship of Fools by Katherine Anne Porter, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers, The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon, A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, The Optimist’s Daughter by Eudora Welty, and The Broom of the System by David Foster Wallace. As for your assertion that American novels aren’t as good as British novels, I think that’s a wee bit subjective. And unless you’ve read every American novel and every British novel, you’re probably not in a position to make that judgment. Both American authors and British authors have written some truly amazing novels—and also some major stinkers—so there’s no way to say that one group is categorically better than the other. Your real problem is that there are so many wonderful American novels that it's hard to pick just one.

It's funny: as I struggled deciding what to do about my current dilemma, I was reading your blog and noticed that a Sparkler posted a similar question (distinguished student curious about pot). Still, I hope this doesn't discourage you from answering all that I am about to unleash upon you, because I am going in a different direction than the other advice-seeker and I don't know who else to talk to. Much like the other post, I am a good student and have always done well because I try very hard. I am enrolled in AP courses, I am involved in clubs and sports, and I think about college and the future every single day (this probably increases my stress level tremendously). Still, one of the largest aspects of high school is social life. I have a close group of friends, but I had never gotten to really experience plain old "hanging out" with a large group of guys and girls. I promised myself I would never drink or smoke, and I worried that it would greatly affect (negatively) my chances of doing well.  Well, this past weekend I was invited to my friend's house where a party was going on. I just have to admit it: it was the best night of my entire life. Call me a cliche or whatever you will, but I had such a fantastic night I am still on a high (non-literal) and it's a Sunday night. I tried alcohol, which I must say was not as horrible and terrifying as I believed it to be. I did not get disgustingly drunk, but I drank enough to get loosened up. I never felt so relaxed! It seems I am always uptight and stressed, mostly due to school and college concerns. Finally, I met an amazing group of people and we got along famously. I never wanted the feeling to go away, and I even met someone there :). Now that I am faced with the fate of returning to school in the morning, I worry about what the future holds. My main concerns? 1) I enjoyed myself so much that I currently have no interest in going to school, let alone putting effort into school work and grades. Will my motivation ever come back? 2) Let's assume that I will have another opportunity to party. Will I be able to be socially active and still do well in school? 3) I finally understand what it feels like to relax and enjoy being a teenager, and I really don't want that to disappear… but I am extremely concerned about the future because I am a junior and will be applying to colleges soon, in addition to getting my GPA and class rank up. Will I be able to do both (party and be successful in school)?

Well, much like in my response to the pot-smoking Sparkler, I am obligated to tell you that what are doing—underage drinking—is completely illegal. So before we even get to your questions about school and motivation and how to balance studying and partying, let me remind you that there are legal consequences for drinking when you are not yet 21. Here's a scenario: you are at a party, having a great time. Suddenly there’s a knock at the door. Another partygoer? Nope, it’s the police. The neighbors called them. And while their reaction depends on the laws in your city/state, there’s no question that you are doing something that is against the law, so you need to prepared for potential punishment. You could lose your driver’s license or have your driving privileges postponed; you might be fined in the neighborhood of $500; you could be assigned to an alcohol treatment center; you could be given a disorderly persons summons, which goes on your police record; and oh yeah, your parents will definitely find out. And remember that you can get in trouble if you are at a party where there is underage drinking going on, even if you are not partaking. If you're committed to your future and you want to go to a good college, I would try to keep away from such potentially dangerous situations.

Regarding your other questions, I don't think one night of partying is enough to completely erase your will to do well in school and go to a great college. Your motivation will probably return (and maybe it already has) the moment you step back into the classroom or realize that you have a big exam coming up. I'm glad you're starting to loosen up and enjoy yourself, because being a teenager can be a blast. But you should be able to be socially active and relax without alcohol. Really, it’s not that hard. Does alcohol make things easier? For some people, yes, but you can still have a great time without it. Try it, you might like it! The danger here is that you think you need alcohol in order to loosen up, and then become dependent on it, and that would be a bad thing. The next time an opportunity to party comes up, go for it—but without drinking alcohol. You might find that you just need to be in the right mindset or with the right group of people to relax, and that it's not the alcohol that made you feel so good.

I really, really want to be a writer. I've wanted it for so long. I was good at writing when I was younger, especially in third grade when I used to write lots of little stories. Now, I'm a freshman in high school. I keep a journal and everything, and I like to write about my feelings in it, and other things. That's great, but what I really want is to write short stories, or maybe a book. I feel like I'm not as good at writing as I was because I just can’t seem to think of ideas! I've tried Googling for ideas and prompts, I've tried asking my friends and family if they have ideas, but nothing seems to work. I know that if I want to be a writer, it's a very competitive field, and I'll never succeed unless I'm GOOD. But, I really am passionate about writing, even though i feel like... here I'm going to say what hurts me most... I'm not good at it anymore. Should I concentrate on having a different "thing" since my writing talent seems to have disappeared?

I don’t think you should concentrate on a different thing, because writing is the best thing! You should stick with it a little longer and see if you can get the ol’ magic back. Remember that it takes a long long LOOOONG time to become a good writer, and you won’t achieve that goal if you just give up on it because you hit a little rough patch. Perseverance is key! If you want to write short stories, you don’t necessarily need a grand idea, either. You can start by describing a character. What does he or she look like? Where does he or she live? Does he or she have a job? What is his or her daily routine? Once you flesh out this character a little, you may be struck by a particular situation that he or she might be in, or certain problem that he or she is trying to solve. This could become the idea for a story. One exercise you could try is to write a one-page character sketch every day until you hit upon a compelling story idea. Write about different aspects of the same character, or invent a new character each day. Maybe your characters are all friends or classmates or coworkers. You might end up with a whole group of characters who know each other and live in the same city or town. Then you can put them all together into a book.

Another strategy that works well for idea generation is reading. When you’re stuck in your own writing, don’t just sit there and stare at the computer screen—pick up a book! In order to be a great writer, you need to read the work of other great writers so you can figure out what great writing looks like. If you read every day, you’ll have the act of writing on your mind and your words may flow a little more freely. You might also find yourself stealing little bits from your favorite writers. That’s okay—we all do it! From one writer to another, you need to hang in there and not give up. Being a writer takes a lot of work and a willingness to fail from time to time, but it’s totally worth it.

I'm a guy in tenth grade, and I have a best friend that is a girl two grades below me. I tell her everything. Let's call her... Ashley. Anyway, anytime I mention Ashley around any of my other friends, I get an, "Oh my god, you guys should date. You two would make such a cute couple. It would totally work," or something to that extent. And the hell of it is that everyone that says Ashley and I should date knows that I'm crushing on a different girl, one that is in my grade, and that I'm just shy of dating her. And besides it getting rather annoying—everyone saying Ashley and I should date—it's also starting to get to me. Recently I've been thinking, "What if subconsciously I'm in love with Ashley?" She and I have talked about it, and we've agreed that we're just going to be friends, and I feel totally fine about it. But what my other friends keep saying is getting to me. And it's not like I haven't told them what Ashley and I have agreed upon. I've told them almost every time the subject is brought up. But they just keep pushing it. It's even friends of mine that are friends with her also. Can you help me? What can I say to get my friends to shut up about it, or how can I shake the thoughts I've been having on that subject?

This might sound like an obvious answer, but why don’t you express your feelings to the girl you are actually crushing on? She might be crushing back, and I bet that would shut your friends up pretty quickly. Right now it seems like you are suffering under the power of suggestion. From what you’ve told me, you don’t seem to be in love with Ashley. Your friendship might turn into something greater over time, but at the moment you seem to be just friends. So don't take your friends’ assertions too seriously. Is it possible that they won’t drop the subject because they enjoy getting a rise out of you? If they don’t get that reaction, maybe they'll drop the subject. Another option is to respond in a more joking manner to show that you are not going to let them get to you. Finally, you don’t have to try to shake the thoughts you are having—if your brain wants to think about something, then by all means, think about it. It doesn’t mean you are obsessed with the topic or are in love with Ashley, it just means you are curious about your own feelings. And there’s nothing wrong with that!

Holiday stress got you howling for relief? Let me know at chris@sparknotes.com.

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