Auntie SparkNotes: I Wanna Be a Dead Lady

Wow, it's been a heavy week around here! Pirates, doormats, broken hearts, sketchy old creepers who prey on high school students... and not only that, Auntie Sparknotes' dog just threw up on her bed. (No, really.)

I think it's safe to say that we need to end this week on a lighter note... so today, here's a question that's nice, short, and entirely academic! Let's roll:

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I'm taking Dramatic Arts this year at school, and it's a great course. I've made lots of progress with my acting skills, and I've had a lot of fun along the way too. However, my teacher has given us a MAJOR project to do: We have to create a monologue on a famous celebrity who has passed away, and has accomplished many things in their lives. I would like to portray a woman, but I have absolutely NO idea of WHOSE life I would want to research, and why. I want someone who fits my personality somewhat. I'm a slightly introverted person, (ironic for someone who likes drama, no?) and would like a celebrity who was like that. I would also like someone who had a saddish life(that's not too mean, is it?). Any suggestions for a very-confused-girl-who-can't-find-herself-in-an-actress?

A saddish life? How can you be so mean?!! I suppose you also like kicking puppies, and killing flowers, and punching babies in the face. GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE.

Just kidding. Fact is, tragedy is interesting—and in the fascinating world of dead lady-celebs, it's also the norm. People who lead lives full of unicorns, rainbows, and uneventful contentment tend not to make history. Sad, but true.

Now: You mentioned actresses, but you might want to expand your idea of “celebrity” to include people who were famous for other reasons—partly because you'll win points for originality, and partly because some of the most interesting famous ladies weren't necessarily starlets. So let's get right to it. Auntie suggests:

If you absolutely must depict a lady of stage and screen, consider Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe, Edith Piaf. (Or, to make things really interesting, there's always Anna Nicole Smith.)

How about writers?—like Anais Nin, Dorothy Parker, Emily Dickinson, or (Miss Marm's excellent suggestion) Virginia Woolf.

Or historical figures! Anne Boleyn, Marie Antoinette, Emma Goldman, Sojourner Truth...

But, most importantly, I believe that the Sparkler community will flock to this challenge like bees to honey. Can you think of a sad, dead, female celebrity? Leave your suggestions in the comments.

And next week, we'll return in full force with all the boy trouble and bad friends you could possibly want.

Don't forget to chime in with your favorite deceased ladies of yore! And if you've got a question for Auntie, send it to advice@sparknotes.com.