Yo Mama's So... And Other Great Comebacks

If you're anything like us, you spend a good 32% of your weekly allotment of mental energy imagining certain situations and your potential witty yet biting responses. Sometimes we stand in front of the mirror and reimagine situations that have already happened, tailoring our responses to what we wish we'd said instead of standing there slack-jawed and going, "Oh yeah, well... sucks to your asmar!"

Here are a few classic one-liners that will work in a pinch:

• Yo Mama's so.... The beauty of this zinger is that it can be used to diss on just about anything, including, but not limited to, your victim's mother's weight, income, intelligence, shoe size, ability to read, hair, boobs, reputation, teeth, and house.
• __________ called; it wants its ________ back. Insert a year (e.g. 1982 called; it wants its stirrup pants back) or a person/character (e.g. Hello Kitty called; she wants her look back), and you have one self-confidence-crippling quip on your hands.
• Your Mom. This one seems to be an attempt to bring the "Yo Mama" line back with a fresh coat of paint. By shortening the line, you turn it into a swift slap to the face. Or to their mom's face.
• Duh. We actually prefer this response's sibling, "Doi." It's the stupidest sound in the world. But not as stupid as the offender's remark.
• I am rubber, you are glue. We're not sure that this response obeys the laws of nature or physics, but it sounds good to us.
• I may be _________, but you're ugly. The implication is that while your condition may be temporary, the offender's is permanent. Take that, horse face!
• Get a life. Because you're a loser, see? You're such a loser that you're not even living. You might as well be dead. So go die somewhere.
• I know you are, but what am I? We've never actually won an argument with this one, but there's really no acceptable response after this.

There is one zinger that we would like to see banned from the face of the earth, and that is Whatever. Whatever your mom. It's just plain rude.

What are your favorite comebacks?

Related: How Not to Cry