Partner Projects: Are You Doomed?

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Your teacher announces a group project.

"Okay," you think, "This is good. My and my friend can team up, half and half, I won’t have to do all the work. Great."

Don’t get comfortable yet, because your teacher follows up with the six words high schoolers never want to hear: “I have already chosen the partners.”

Partners. They can make or break your grade, especially if you have one of those teachers who give points based on teamwork. In my experience, there are several different types of accomplices you may end up with:

The Overachiever
The Overachiever is a great partner. This person generally makes high A’s in the class and refuses to jeopardize his/her grade by even one point. If you are also an Overachiever, you will split the work evenly, right down to the last bit of punctuation. But usually, you will not match The Overachiever’s intensity and thus be deemed incompetent. The Overachiever will take care of everything, and might let you design the cover sheet if you’re lucky.

The Socialite
The socialite is usually a girl (boy Socialites are rare, but they exist). This is the kid who’s always chatting up the pair next to you or texting rapidly on her/his Blackberry. You will have to take charge with a Socialite. She is generally very agreeable, as long as you give her a second to “just finish this convo totally quick!”

You may be worried when you see her giggling with someone rather than doing her share. But don’t be concerned. The socialite always gets it done (even if she has to stay up until midnight and send 113 text messages in the process).

The Lost Sheep
The Lost Sheep is probably the easiest of all partners to work with. This is the shy kid who never says anything and visibly shakes when he/she has to present something in front of the class. Again, with the lost sheep, you will have to be a leader, but he will do what you ask with little or no comment. The Lost Sheep is generally a good worker and will have everything in on time. Just don’t expect any mind-blowing conversations when you’re working together.

The I-Got-Shanked-in-Juvie,-Wanna-See-the-Scars? Partner
For simplicity’s sake, we’ll call this guy (or the occasional hardcore girl) The Criminal for short. The Criminal is one of the worst partners you can be assigned. He’ll begin your partnership by growling, “I pierced my nipples with a potato and my grandma’s knitting needle. Check it out.” It goes downhill from there.

If your teacher pairs you up with this partner, get ready to work. The Criminal will not do anything (and if he does, it will almost always be incorrect/illegible). Although this partner has no work ethic, he will be one of the most interesting people you will meet. You two will have great conversations while you carry the workload. Be sure to take him up on his offer to see his homemade tattoo.

The Pothead
As the name suggests, this partner will almost always be on drugs. While this partner has similarities to The Criminal, The Pothead will not remember your name, (“Janesiacna? Bro, is your name Janesicna?” “…No, it’s Jessica.”), what the project is (“We’re supposed to make a gene model.” “Cool, let’s do some Levi’s yo….that would rulleeeee.”), or what class he/she is in. This person will never even make an effort, preferring instead to draw on the desks, stare at the florescent lighting, and crack up, (“Yo, brah! I’m blind, man! Whoaa trippy man!”), and do anything other than the work assigned.

Have you ever had one of these partners? What did you do?

Related Post: There's No "I" in Group Project

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